Many of us seek love from another person. That kind of explains why we couple. We look for the right kind of mate so we can feel good about ourselves. This is very human. But the more I learn about myself and other people, the more I understand that when we are fully ourselves, and only ourselves, that is when we can feel love.
Let me explain. When we find our partners we feel complete in some way, as if we have been missing something and after finding them we now feel whole. But if we always need to feel this feeling with our person, when we don’t feel it, we might start to feel less than—like we lost something important.
The Path to Feeling Loved by Another Begins with Loving One’s Self
If we don’t get enough love or feel disconnected in our relationship we might start to feel upset with our partner because we are lacking something that would make us feel better. This is very common among couples and it causes people to suffer.
I work with a lot of couples who want to feel more connected to their mates. They usually tell me what is not happening and I try and help them and their partners understand each other better so they can have more harmony in their relationship.
But what if those of us in relationships decided that we were whole and complete with or without our partners? That doesn’t mean we don’t love them. In fact this has nothing to do with whether we love them or not—and I hope you do love them. The key question here is, “Do you love yourself?”
You Have to Help Yourself to Help Your Partner
Are you enough in your life? Do you need something so you will feel better? Or can you feel balanced in your own skin, just you with you and by yourself?
Because if we can feel whole in our own being, then we send a message to our mates that we are present and full of love and well, that’s such a great message they will just love you back automatically.
By attending to our own inner growth, be become exactly who were are and are meant to be. Just like the rose, or a tree. We become ourselves. And this being is exactly what your partner craves and loves.
Connecting with Yourself Will Help You Connect with Your Partner
So the next time you feel that you are missing something in your relationship and you wish you felt more connected to your partner, is it possible for you to think about helping yourself to feel more grounded?
Because if you can do this, you will be sending your beloved the most beautiful message ever, you will telegraph to them that you are your wonderful, unique, one of a kind you. And that’s exactly who they love.
Start Feeling More Loved Today!
Read a Book About Relationships
Want to reduce misunderstanding in your relationship and bounce back faster from disagreements? Try reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you develop critical skills for communicating and resolving conflict, helping you fight less and feel closer to one another. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.