Sometimes with couples there is an imbalance. One person may feel drained because he or she does everything they can think of to make the relationship work. They give everything to their partner and to the relationship. They are under the impression that if they continue to give, if they give more than any other person ever could, if they do everything imaginable they will save the relationship.
They might even take this concept one step further by believing that if the relationship fails it’s because they did not do enough.
All of us get triggered by things that hit us in our sore spots. Usually these are unexpressed hurts from a long time ago that are still as tender as they were when they occurred.
And when something in our present day life touches that spot we react. Everyone who has these tender areas reacts. We usually keep them stored up inside our bodies and we leave them alone. But when something touches it, we might have a very big reaction.
Oftentimes when there is a couple and there are disagreements it usually comes down to two people digging into their own positions. We are all individuals, and when we think or believe something and our partner is thinking or believing in something else, well then there is a standoff.
Two people who love each other but are unable to hear each other. This happens countless times to people in relationships. So, what do we have to do about it to make it better?
Often when people call for counseling and I ask them what is the matter, most of the time I hear, “We just can’t communicate.”
This is a catch all phrase that means we don’t understand each other and it is hard on both of us. I get this, especially since I have been working with couples for 20 plus years.
I know that there is a person who feels very deeply about life and another person who thinks almost exclusively in their head. I have seen this in every couple I have ever counseled.
How do we learn about love? In this world we probably see Disney movies, watch other types of stories, and just believe that someday we will love someone. But where do we actually learn about love?
In our relationships, that’s where. We fall in love with our mate and everything is perfect for a while, and then things start to change. We don’t feel as loved as we did in the beginning and we start to wonder what is wrong with our partner, or we might wonder what is wrong with us.
But this is normal too. The beginning stage is not meant to last. But how do we know what to do when things get tough? Here are some of the things I have learned about love.