Feeling unloved hurts. I hear things like “My husband doesn’t love me! He’s mean and doesn’t show that he cares,” or “My wife doesn’t love me! She rejects and ignores me.”
It doesn’t have to be that way. Learn how.
Does Your Partner Insist They Love You, But Not Show It?
As a couples counselor I am never surprised to hear people express their love for their better half. In fact I have worked with couples who have had disasters between them and yet each will profess true love for the other despite horrific behaviors that would suggest the opposite.
Couple after couple will tell me how much they love the other person. And yet there are problems upon problems by the time they come in to the therapy office.
Why People Feel Unloved
So why does this happen? I believe most of us know when we love someone. We feel this attachment or stirring in the heart, a connection and a knowing about how we feel. This is as true as anything we can know. We know when we love someone; it’s as simple as that.
So there are no misstatements when someone will tell me they love their partner even though terrible things might have happened or the person has done awful things to their mate.
So why is this so common? I think relationships go wrong because people don’t feel loved. It’s commonplace for couples to love each other. It is not common for most of us to feel the love from the other. If more people felt loved fewer relationships would end.
How to Make Your Partner Feel Loved
So how do we feel love? We feel it when our partner is kind. We feel it when our beloved shows enjoyment at being with us. We feel it when we know we are important to them. These are subtle qualities, yet vital for a happy relationship. And they can’t be shown just part of time. This is a way of being with the one you love. All relationships start out this way. The trick is to keep the kindness in spite of everything else.
Many of us know how to be nice to others and show kindness, but how do our efforts help us feel loved by the other? Many of us wait for the other to make us feel valued and important, even loved. Most people struggle because they don’t feel they matter to their partner. And that can lead to sadness.
Make Sure to Demonstrate Your Love to Your Partner
Feeling unloved is a very lonely place. Many people in relationships will tell me how lonely they feel, even though they are living with their mate and even have a family with them.
When our heart is full we feel happy. When our heart is longing to know if we are loved we feel alone. So when couples tell me in an automatic way that of course they love their mate, I say to myself and sometimes out loud, “I believe you.”
I know what they are telling me is true for them. But I wonder if they think about whether their partner feels loved by them. Now that could open up a whole different discussion.
Partner Feeling Unloved? Learn How to Express Your Love
Read a Book About What to Do When Feeling Unloved
My new book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship may help you communicate your love to your partner. This may help your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend feel loved again. Give it a shot, and see if it helps you bridge the gap between how you feel and what your partner sees.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.