All of us start out in great love with our partner. It’s so wonderful to fall in love that we might even forget every other aspect of our lives. But as the relationship grows sometimes feelings get hurt and that usually prevents us from being loving to our mates.
Hurt Feelings Are a Natural Part of Loving Someone
All humans get their feelings hurt. Especially if we are in a relationship with another person. Even though they love us dearly there is no guarantee that they will never hurt us emotionally. In fact, because they don’t live in our bodies and minds and how we organized and receive life, they may step on our feelings regularly.
I believe these issues are meant to help us grow and figure out what is bugging us so we can get back to loving our mates again. So, if you have a moment, see if you can identify what gets in the way of your love.
On Injuries of Pride, Dismissal, and Rejection
One of the first things I thought of is “pride”. When our pride gets hurt it has many layers. This is an area in humans where we feel really good about ourselves. And if the person we love says something that makes us feel bad about ourselves, well this is a very hurtful moment. So, check in and see if pride or feeling disrespected applies to you.
The next feeling that I think is pretty common is being dismissed, or ignored. Maybe your partner waved you off with their hand or walked by you and didn’t answer you. These are again very painful moments. No one likes to be ignored or dismissed. We all want to feel validated and seen.
Another hard feeling is one of rejection. When we ask for something from our mate and they flat out say NO. We might feel that the love of our life is rejecting us and this can also really, really hurt.
So, What Do We Do When We’re Hurt Like That?
These are just three areas that might get in the way of you loving your mate. So what do you do when you feel these feelings?
The first thing I want to impress upon you is that when we are born, we are filled with endless wisdom, capability, loving kindness and compassion. It is only through life that we learn frustration, jealousy, greed and competitiveness.
Also, science shows us that our tendency toward aggression is only one aspect of us being human and an even stronger biological bases is our capacity for kindness, compassion, love and nurturing.
What if You Focus on Your Mate’s Potential Instead of Your Injury?
So, if we think about our mate, not what they have done to us, but what we know to be true, that all of us have an innate quality of goodness. Is it possible to see their potential, instead of seeing them as broken or messed up?
I know your mate would appreciate it. I know you will also get out of your hurt feelings as well. And all this leads to connection. You know, the connection with the one you love.
Ready to Conquer Barriers to Love?
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to reduce conflict and heal from pain in your relationship by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you show more empathy and compassion, helping you move past hurt and feel truly loved. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.