So many relationship challenges have a common root.
As individuals we learn a lot about how to be humans. It starts from our early days in our family. We learn how to talk and walk and feed ourselves, go to school and play with others. We are taught everywhere; parents, teachers, laws, religion, family, friends, everyone is a teacher.
We Learn to Face Life & the World’s Challenges Independently
We get good at interacting with life. We learn how to rely on ourselves to get our homework done, to babysit siblings or neighbors, to make our own food, to clean our rooms and to be a functioning member in a family system.
We attain a lot of experience by the time we move out on our own, either to work or go to school. We are ready to take on the world. We have been prepared. We embrace our unique life and go forward.
We Even Learn to Find Love & Be a Couple…
Now we just need to find someone, our special someone. We know it when we do, we fall in love and feel feelings that are new and wonderful and amazing and WOW. It’s just perfect for a while, in fact the most perfect thing we probably have ever felt.
We are smitten and we must be with that person. We are convinced that they get us in ways we have longed to be understood. And they love us in a way that makes us feel safe and warm.
But Do We Learn How to be a Couple and Overcome Relationship Challenges?
So why is being in a couple so hard after all that? We are so good at being individuals and we have found our right person, why isn’t every day full of bliss? Why do we end up misunderstanding each other or worse getting into arguments and disconnecting?
What, we may wonder, is wrong with this picture? It’s supposed to be good. Isn’t it?
Yes, we are supposed to be happy with our special person. We are supposed to live “happily ever after” with the One.
The truth is no one does. Many people may be really good at being an individual human, but they may be terrible at understanding how to be a good partner. In fact, where is it that we learn how to become a good mate? Who teaches us how to listen, understand, allow our partner to express their thoughts and grow together as a couple?
Learning How to Overcome Relationship Challenges Starts with Ourselves
The answer is no one teaches us. And that is why so many relationships and marriages fail. It’s not because we haven’t chosen the right person, I believe it’s because we as humans are unskilled at learning how to be good partners.
So if you are in a relationship that suffers with difficulty, instead of blaming each other, why not look at yourself and ask; “What are my relationship skills? Am I a good partner to my mate?”
When we love the other, they love us back. When we complain to the other, they complain or defend back. Learn to be kind, loving and cherish the one who signed up to be with you. Learn to repair when there is an upset, say I am sorry when you do something that hurts the other. Becoming a good mate is really common sense. Remember how tender you have been in certain situations? Maybe you held an infant, maybe you have animals. It takes a loving soft heart in those situations. Use that same loving soft energy with the person you are with.
Your love is the answer, it always is.
More Tools for Being a Good Partner & Overcoming Relationship Challenges
Read a Book About the Challenge of Being in a Relationship
Can’t make it on Monday? You can learn more about how to be strong in your relationship by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It’s full of relationship advice, including communication tips and advice for how to tackle relationship challenges. It just might help you and your partner be happier in your relationship.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It’ll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.