No two people in a relationship are the same. We find connections with our partner and yet we are wildly different from them. We are attracted to their difference and their similarities in the beginning of a relationship, but down the road we might find that the way they do things, different than we do them, might just bug us a bit.
So, We Have Different Needs
I was noticing something different between myself and my husband recently. We were sitting in our backyard and I was looking around enjoying the space. I had this longing to have people over to be in the backyard with us. I wanted to share this good feeling with others. And so I said, “We should socialize more.” And he said, “But we just went out to dinner last night with Jane and Tom.”
Yes, we did go out to dinner at a restaurant and had a wonderful time. And then I noticed a difference between me and my mate. I wasn’t even thinking that I had visited with others the night before when I had the thought of wanting people to come over. This thought of sharing the goodness that I was experiencing was organic and came to me while sitting in the backyard and admiring it. It was a new thought, not based on anything else.
We talked then about who would come over, neighbors maybe, which ones and then the subject ended and we were off talking about something else. Later that week my husband, who likes to cook, kept talking about making a stew. He talked about it for a couple of days.
…and We Have Different Interests…
One day he bounded upstairs to get a book to look at a recipe for this stew. He talked about how he was going to follow the author’s way of making the dish. He talked about the different methods outlined in the book and I just listened.
I have zero interest in reading a cook book. I have very little interest in cooking. So As I listened to my husband speak about what he was going to do with this stew, I knew he was probably just as happy with those thoughts as I was with the thoughts of bringing people over to socialize.
…and We Have Different Tastes…
And then I accepted the realization that we are different, different in what we like sometimes and how we are energized. We have a lot in common, but we are probably even different in how we enjoy what we like together.
I guess all couples go through this. You may have in your relationship. Do you both like the same movies? Do you like the same TV shows, foods, friends, and family members? No two people are the same. We are all unique.
But We Share One Heart and Still Need Each Other
So why do people in relationships get disappointed when their mate doesn’t like what they like? Why do we sometimes take it personally when our partner isn’t interested in what interests us? I believe we get disappointed because we are all really looking for the same things, not the concrete things of having people over or making a stew, what we really want is to know that we matter. If a partner likes what we like, we might feel important. If a mate says yes to our ideas we might feel valued. And that’s the key to understanding the other. Know that all of us humans just want to know that we matter, even when we are different.
How to Keep Perspective and Focus on What You Share
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