It’s tough when you start seeing your partner as an “irritating” girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. Chances are they have a couple behaviors driving you up the wall. Here’s the understanding you need to start changing things and feeling better today.
No One Wants to Feel Irritated with Their Girlfriend, Boyfriend, or Spouse
Most of us can relate to feeling some sort of irritation with our mate. I know we try and love them, but we all know we don’t love everything they do. In fact we might even become annoyed or irritated by some of their behaviors.
Some of us even get so frustrated when this happens that we can’t deal with those behaviors anymore so we leave the relationship and look for another partner, less annoying and irritating. But this article is about you staying in the relationship you are in and learning how to deal with your discomfort.
Everyone Feels Irritated with Their Partner Now and Then
Here’s the good and not so good news. You will always feel something that just doesn’t jive with how you see things. This is very common in relationships. And why wouldn’t it be? We are, after all, two very different people. We think and observe the world in our own unique way.
We know we are all different, and yet sometimes we just like things the way we like them and we don’t want to get used to someone else’s idea of how things should be when it goes against our grain. This is common too.
What Can We Do About Irritating Behavior in a Relationship?
So what do we do about this? We could begin a journey of allowing other ideas and ways into our life. The less we react to irritating things our partner does, the better they feel. When they feel good, we feel good. It brings dividends, only you can’t see them in the beginning.
We all want to feel comfortable in our relationships. We want peace and security and an easy feeling of living with the one we love. EVERYONE who loves another person wants this. But if we have been alone for a while before we got together with our mate, or if we have been suffering in our relationship for various reasons, we may not be ready to welcome discomfort. I get this too.
Irritation Stems from Mismatched Expectations
Here’s the bottom line, each of you in the relationship like things the way you like them. Both of you have your own ideas about how things should be. This way of being in the world was honed through many years of growing up and since both of you are grown-ups, you both have your own fixed ideas of what makes sense and how things should be.
And your ideas do not mirror your partner’s ideas because you are different people.
And it doesn’t matter if you love your person; love has little to do with your human training of how life should be lived.
Love Can’t Overcome Irritation Without Acceptance and Understanding
We think that if we are loved by our person then everything will just work out right. Most of us believe this. But this is not true. We have to learn to accept our partner for what he or she beings to the relationship. And your partner must do the same for you.
None of us want to be in a position where we’re thinking of our loved one as “my irritating girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse.” We just want to feel happy and connected.
No one wants to hear that they are not doing something right. No one wants to feel that they are not capable in the relationship. We all want to feel supported and that we matter to the other. These deep longings of wanting to feel secure in the relationship are often in conflict with behaviors that are irritating to our mate.
It’s hard accepting someone else’s ideas when they just feel wrong to our insides. But in a peaceful moment, stand in your partner’s shoes and see that he or she is just like you, you know, always right.
Get A Helping Hand with Your Irritating Girlfriend, Boyfriend, or Spouse
Read a Book About Relationships
Can’t make it on Monday? Discover some new coping mechanisms for curbing conflict and getting past seeing your loved one as an “irritating” girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. Check out Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just change the way you communicate and deal with frustration in your relationship. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.