Relationship arguments can be difficult to get through. You fight with your loved one, feel unsafe, and feel hurt. Most of all, you might wonder whether your relationship can weather the storm.
It can. Here’s how.
Relationship Arguments Are Normal, But They Still Hurt
Most of the time when we get upset at our mate we are operating from a place of disappointment or hurt. That’s when we lash out, stay silent, roll our eyes, or just plain stew. And that happens a lot when we are close to another person. And it’s normal.
What helps is to take a breath and say to ourselves that we as a couple are probably just like every other couple. We all go through rough patches with our mates. Again very normal. The difference is that most of us don’t tell others about them or show them to outsiders. We keep them pretty private, because we might feel embarrassed or ashamed if people knew.
No one feels good during relationship arguments. No one wears a fight as a badge of health. It isn’t. But those disruptions are also pretty normal. What distinguishes healthy couples is being able to understand the fights and disagreements and get better at decreasing them. That’s it. There is no other secret formula for couples.
Confidence: The Secret to Staying Together Amidst Relationship Arguments
The relationships that last are between people who have figured out how to go through the difficulties and not fall apart. These couples know that after the fight there will be peace and connection with the one they love. They don’t hold on to how hard it is. They don’t wish they were somewhere else or their partner was someone else. They know they are in a good place and that dustups happen.
They have confidence in each other. They don’t blame each other. They know they are in this thing called “life” together, and they appreciate that they get to do it with each other. This is what sets happy couples apart. They have the confidence.
Molly, the Hero, and How Inspiration for Confidence Can Come from Where You Least Expect It
On another note, my little old dog had almost all of her teeth removed. It was traumatic, (mostly for me). The vet said she would be fine and be able to eat soft food and not even miss a step. I doubted this until I saw it with my own eyes. My baby girl loves her new soft canned food. I have never seen her eat so well. She is the best eater that I have known her to be since she came to live with me, and she’s doing this without teeth, (well she has 4 left).
And not only have her eating habits improved, so has her ability to take chances. My neighbor has a big dog. My dog and this dog are friends. But when another big dog came up the street I knew that my little one, (12 pounds) would be afraid and we would have to cross the street. So we did. But in the next moment my Molly looked at me and I knew she wanted to go back across the street, back to the place where there were now two big dogs. I followed her lead and sure enough she walked across the street, barked a little bit and then found her way into the mix.
Confidence Reinforces Our Love and Our Very Being
My friend said, “She has her confidence now.” And then I thought, that’s what we all need. We need to know we will be OK. We need to trust ourselves that things will just work out. We need to learn to trust. Just like Molly. I saw this little dog do this. She reminded me that I could do this too.
A Little Help Finding the Confidence You Need to Love Boldly
Read a Book About Relationships
Can’t make it on Monday? Try fighting back against relationship arguments with a confidence pick-me-up. Check out Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just change the way you communicate, helping you express love and reinvigorating your confidence in both your relationship and one another. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.