How We Misread People


When we are in a relationship with the person we love it is so easy to misread how they are treating us. We believe that what they do has something to do with us, our behavior and our being. But that is not always the case.

Our Response to Anger Is Informed By Childhood

Let’s say your beloved gets angry with you and is harsh with their words. You might think that they are really mad at you and you might lash back, or hold it in or try to escape.

What we do when someone is angry at us has a lot to do with our old habits. This is how we handle large emotions and we have been doing it this way since we learned how as a child.

But what if you could look at this from another perspective? Maybe you could understand your mate and see something new. When someone is mad and lashing out, I know this because this is the way I am wired, they are often just trying to tell you that they are hurt.

Anger Covers for Pain

I realize that because it is so loud and mad sounding it doesn’t feel like they are hurt at all, it just sounds like they are rageful and angry. But let me break this down for you.

When young people are not attended to, they often get angry. Maybe you do this in your life. I also know that what we are covering up is our own pain that we did not learn how to handle. This is common too. If we were not taught at a young age to handle our emotions, then we throw them up on others, hide them or exit.

So, we may think that someone intends to harm us when loud and angry, but the truth is that they are acting from their own suffering and not thinking of us at all. If we look deeply into what is happening with them, we might get an understanding that will help us look beyond how we are going to respond.

Examining and Healing From Triggers Helps Reduce Angry Outbursts

All of us want to get along with our mates. That’s why we signed up with them in the first place. So, understand that when we are in a relationship with someone that we love they are bound to trigger our old hurts and wounds. And when this happens, we resort to our old patterns and habits that at this point are outdated.

We don’t need them anymore, yet we still use them. Couples that want to stay together for life understand that this is happening. And if you are triggered, that hurt and pain belongs to you. Consider the moment as an invitation to discover what you have been carrying around for your entire life.

When a trigger hits, that is an opening to heal. You feel something terrible, but if you can be with your terrible pain, you will learn something about what happened to you and you will evolve and grow.

Learn how to heal your old pains, instead of taking them out on the one you love. Because when you heal from the old wounds, you are free in your body, and that’s the kind of freedom we are all looking for.

Ready to Communicate with Kindness in Your Relationship?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to improve communication in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help both of you feel more connected, aligned, and loved. Give it a read.

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