Understanding in a relationship can be tough to develop and maintain, but worthwhile when you do.
When we fall in love with our person we pretty much land in a wonderful place. It’s full of possibilities and promise that leads us to wanting more of this great feeling we are both sharing with each other. Falling in love is one of the most miraculous things we do as humans.
Well, Closeness Doesn’t Ensure Understanding
So why, after finding our person do we spend so much time trying to understand how they think and act and get frustrated in the process? Sometimes it can even feel as if we are partnered with someone we just don’t get. “Why do they do things the way they do?” We might be asking our self this question. Or, “Who thinks like that?” When we ask these questions we are not sure about our mate. They are so different we just don’t understand them.
You have heard the old adage: “opposites attract.” Well, I believe they absolutely do. We get two people who fall in love and sure they connect at a very deep level and in the beginning see everything eye to eye, but give the relationship a little time and both of you will begin to see how different you actually are from each other.
An Initial Lack of Understanding in Relationships Makes Us Wonder Whether It’s Meant to Be
And when the differences appear some of us become unglued. And there are those questions again. “Why did you do it that way?” What’s happened is that the two of you have moved on to a deeper stage in our relationship and are now noticing differences.
In the early stage, everything is just one beautiful moment after another. After being together a while, 1 to 2 years, the differences start to become noticeable. Unless you are practiced in having relationships these differences appear to be startling. They might signal to people, “Wow, how could have I missed that,” or “Maybe this one isn’t so perfect after all.”
Understanding in Relationships Boils Down to Acceptance
This phase is predictable and normal. How people whether this phase determines the health of their relationship. If people start to blame or criticize the other person for being different a difficult tone develops that’s hard to break out of. If people can accept their partner for who they are, they are on their way to something better.
And that’s the bottom line; accept each other for who you are. Your partner will never have your thoughts; you will have your thoughts. They will have their thoughts and they might be not only different, but refreshing. I know I learn a lot from my mate. He does not think like me. He is logical and rational where I am emotional and expressive.
Accept Your Partner For Who They Are and Celebrate Your Differences
I know he will not respond like me no matter what I say to him. He knows the same about me. But I do know that if I need a logical and rational idea about life or a work situation I can rely on what he says. It’s always measured and it helps ground me. My words challenge him sometimes and get him thinking outside his box. And if you asked him if he liked it, I bet he’d say yes.
I appreciate his difference, just as he appreciates mine. He has a right to his thoughts and actions just as I do. We understand our differences. They are not a source of discomfort; they are a reminder of our connection. We are different and we are the same. We love each other in our own way and it’s right for both of us.
Learn More About Understanding in a Relationship
Attend a Talk About Relationships
On the 2nd and 3rd Monday each month, you can attend FREE relationship talks from marriage and family specialists. Come learn how to create a good relationship and understand problems that get in the way.
Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
- Mondays: 6:30–7:30pm
- 1232 E Wardlow Road,
Long Beach, CA 90807.
Can’t make it on Monday? Read all about how you can foster understanding in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help you develop communication skills to keep you more connected and understanding in your relationship. Give it a read.
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