Why Doesn’t My Partner Help Me?

Why Doesn't My Partner Help Me?

I needed directions to a new place and I turned to my husband to help me navigate. I often ask for his assistance as it gives me comfort to be helped. You see, my inner guidance is often backwards, and looking at maps is difficult for my head unless it’s explained to me. It is easy for my husband. He understands maps and grids and they are easy for him to use.

Not for me. I get stressed when I am unsure how to get to some place I have not been to before. He understands how I am wired and he is usually so good at printing out a map and showing me how to go. I have to literally see a map, write down directions and then I can feel at ease.

Sometimes We Just Want to Feel Taken Care Of

Sometimes we just want to feel taken care of.

So, on this occasion I was asking him for directions and all he was doing was suggesting different routes to me on how to get there. But I couldn’t put the streets into my head and I got frustrated. He kept trying to describe to me how to drive there and I kept objecting to him that this was not helping.
I felt myself get stressed out, because I was not able to grasp what he was telling me. I argued with him about how it was not helpful. I just ended up looking up the directions myself and finding out a way to go. I know I can do this by myself. But I like being cared for my him. I like it when he takes the time to help me understand. I feel cared for, loved, safe, at peace.

Sometimes It Helps to Tell Your Partner Why You Want Something

So, before I left I told him this: I like to be helped by him, and when he prints out the map and shows me a route I feel better. He said he now gets that I have to see it in order to understand it.
I hope he will remember this moment so I won’t have to go through this frustration again. I know I will remember it. I will remember to ask for a printed map or to be shown a map on the computer, just something he can show me and I can see. I will be sure that when I ask for directions I won’t just try and listen to them, (because this doesn’t work for my head) I will help him remember too that a visual is what my mind needs to understand.

Why Share This Story?

Sometimes, it helps to tell your partner *why* you want them to help you with something...

So why am I writing about this incident? To help you understand that we are very different from our partners. I enjoy being helped by him for something he does with ease. I have to be kind and not whiny when I ask for it or he just turns off to my request. I have to remember he is giving me a kindness and doing something nice for me. I have to remember to be grateful and not angry because he doesn’t do it right.
Maybe this is why I am writing this, to remind myself that he loves me and sometimes I make it hard for him too. Just like I thought he was making it hard for me, I might have been a little too pushy for him to feel good about the effort. This is my lesson. It’s a good one to remember.

Want Some Help with Your Partner Meeting Your Needs?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Get a little bit of help with communicating your needs, so that your partner is more likely to meet them, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you and your partner give each other what you both want and reduce frustration in your relationship. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *