Why Can’t We Always Feel the Love?


Feel the Love in Your Relationship

Can’t feel the love? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many occasionally wonder whether their special someone still loves them. Learn more about where this feeling comes from and what you can do to feel closer than ever.

Once We’ve Connected with Our Loved One, We Always Want to Feel That Close

When we find our special person and we feel connected to them in ways that seem magical, we begin to believe, in parts of our body, that this is what we have been looking for all our life. This feeling we have with our person is the real thing. We want it to last. We all want our relationships to go on and be this way forever.

All relationships begin this way. Then other things start to happen and people wonder where that beautiful, wonderful feeling went to. Couples still say they love each other, but sometimes they don’t feel loved by one another. Sometimes, people wonder if their partner—the one who loves them—really loves them.

Everyone Feels a Little Disconnected and Wonders Sometimes

Not feeling the love? Wondering whether your partner cares? You're not alone.

Sounds crazy, right? Well yes, and no. I have at times wondered this of my partner, husband, and best friend of 18 years. It’s not uncommon to sit in our own bodies and wonder if the person sitting next to us really loves us, or at least loves us in that moment.

One time my husband and I were driving somewhere. I was sitting in the passenger seat. He was driving. I was only a few inches away from him but I couldn’t help but thinking that I felt alone in the relationship. This was a thought and a feeling I was having all by myself. It made me feel separate from him even though we were together in the car.

When In Doubt, Ask; Your Loved One Will Reassure You

After a few minutes of feeling this discomfort I asked him, “Do you love me?” He turned his head to me rapidly and answered quickly with, “Of course I love you.” And then I said, “No. I mean, do you love me in this moment? Like right now.” He took a breath and answered “Yes, I love you in this moment.”

He probably thought I was lost deep inside myself with these unusual questions, but he answered anyway. In his doing so, I felt connected to him again. We, as humans, can’t help what we feel or the thoughts we have that accompany those feelings. Sometimes our thoughts come right out of the blue. Like mine did. I felt alone in that car. I didn’t like the feeling I was experiencing so I asked a question that might sound foolish, but it brought me back to feeling better with my special person.

Want to Wonder Less and Feel More Connected? Communicate!

Talking to your partner and having them express their love to you can reassure you in times of uncertainty.

You signed up to be with the person you are with. They want you to be happy. Your partner cannot know what is happening inside you unless you explain it to them. Your mate gets you better than anyone else, but they still can’t understand the uniqueness of your feelings and your thoughts regarding those feelings unless you express them. Those important elements must be explained so you can be understood.

The hardest part about being in a relationship is sometimes feeling as if we are alone. Your person could be sitting right next to you on the couch, or inches away in a car, and you might still feel that they are worlds away from what you need in that moment.

Find a way to let them see what you need from them. It will bring you closer and back to that feeling we all crave—you know, that thing we call love.


Feel More Connected and Loved in Your Relationship

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Can’t make it on Monday? Learn how to feel more connected by communicating your love and affection, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you and your partner feel closer than ever before. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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