Why Can’t Relationships Be Simple?

Why Can't Relationships Be Simple?

I am happy to report that my 86 years old mother has a potential new boyfriend. He is a little older, he’s 88. The two of them went on a first date recently. He took her to dinner, (at a high end coffee shop) and then a movie, “The Secret Life of Pets”.

My mom has been single for a long time. She has been hoping to find someone special that she would like, but that hasn’t happened for a while. But the morning after the date I received an animated email from her telling me she had such a good time with Richard. She also wrote that he wants to take her out again and again and again. She said she hasn’t felt this happy being taken out and treated by someone in a long time. She just beamed.

Our Needs Can Be Simple

My mother is a lovely woman. She is also very lively and simple. She loves to take care of her friends, play and teach bridge, be active in her faith community, and most of all have fun. She is usually the leader in her groups, and she is almost always happy.
So for her to find someone to be happy with, well that’s just fantastic, not just for her, but for me too. I love it when people find people they feel good around. It makes my heart happy.

Our Joys Can Be Simple Too

Our Joys Can Be Simple

So I got to thinking what lessons can we learn from my mother and her new beau. How about remembering that we used to love playing and being playful with our person. That’s probably one of the reasons we fell in love with them way back when.
I know relationships are tough. This is the world I live in, helping people find their way to what they love about the person they are with. But my mother’s lesson might be one that could help all of us. When I think of getting together with my person and remember how we laughed and played I remember a lighthearted feeling. I can still feel that feeling as I look at my memories.

Our Simple Joy Lives On, Even if We Sometimes Lose Sight of It

That feeling still lives in you too. You have it inside your body and you feel it when you remember the moments. You might attach something to it though, like disappointment because you wish you felt better about your mate. You might feel sad or even angry at your person because you used to feel so good and now you don’t.
You can still feel the good. I know all of us when we get our feelings hurt do not feel good and that’s a whole different blog post. But this article is about how you might discover that lighthearted feeling still active inside you and how that feeling could be useful to pull you and your mate back to something special between you.

Enter Relationships Simply Expecting to Have Fun and Enjoy Each Other’s Company

My mother isn’t looking at her new friend to fix her. My mother is just wondering if it will be fun. Fun is her guide. When is the last time you used the concept of fun to be your guide? I know you know what fun feels like. Can you remember what it feels like with your special one?
Talk with them about the concept of remembering that you are good together and that you remember how to play and have fun. Maybe they are waiting to feel this with you too? Let’s learn from the elders. Simple pleasures rule! Simple pleasures keep us young. You know it’s true. Just look at them:

Mom Taking a Selfie with Her New Beau

Bring Simple Joy to Your Relationship

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Can’t make it on Monday? Learn how to bring pure, simple joy to your relationship by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. You might learn how to better communicate your love, appreciate the little things, and just feel happier with your loved one, overall. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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