Sometimes we wonder how to be a better husband or wife.
If we are in a relationship and we ask ourselves, “Am I good to my mate?” I believe most of us would answer “yes.” I believe that we all think we are kind and caring and we do things for the person we love. I think we would all say “yes” with confidence.
…And Could We Be Better?
But when I ask myself this question too, I know inside of me there is a part that could be better. I know there are times when I am not communicative and I just don’t say anything. During those times I could tell my husband that I love him. Or what about those times when we get our feelings hurt and we don’t even like the person we are with at that moment? Sometimes I live there too.
Would we say we are good to our mate then? All of us do what we can, I know this, and I also know it is worth looking at because when we do we can be better. I am not waiting for him to discover that he could be better too, then we have a “fairness” issue and no one ever wins that.
Be a Better Husband or Wife By Being Good to Your Partner Without Expectation
Sure you could feel that you do more than your partner does for you, but inside your partner in their head, I am sure they would not agree. See we both live in our own heads. Your partner lives in theirs, you live in yours.
All of us think about things that could make our partners happy and maybe we do them. But sometimes though if we don’t get the response we are looking for when we do that nice thing for them, well we might stop doing those extras and we might even get mad.
Or we might find ourselves wondering how to be a better husband or wife.
Part of Being a Better Husband or Wife is Being Willing to Forgive and Focus On Helping
So being good a good mate also means giving them a break when they do things that make us mad. It means accepting that they see things differently from us and that the way they view life may not be like us, but it is just right for them.
Recently my husband and I were in the family room, (the den or whatever you call the room where you are always hanging out). He was at his computer and I was at mine. Out of nowhere I hear a huge, loud, “Oh Shit!!!!!” I see him jump up and start picking up papers and then I realize what happened. He knocked over a really large cup of coffee on his desk. The desk is filled with piles of papers for his work, his computer, the printer, well you get the picture.
He is in doomsday mode and saying all kinds of unprintable things. I immediately go to work. Into the kitchen I head. I grab sheets and sheets of paper towels and cloth towels. He starts telling me that what I am armed with isn’t enough and I just get real direct with him in a kind but firm way, “Let me help, let me do this.”
Be There for Your Partner, to Be a Better Husband or Wife
I just continue moving files off the counter, and soaking up the coffee. The coffee is cleaned up. I ask him to pick up the printer and I dry underneath it. I ask him if his papers are OK and he says, “It’s not that bad.”
Order restored. I say, “Can I make you another cup of coffee?” He says no, he doesn’t want one now. I move back to my end of the room and continue my work.
We Can Develop New Habits That Help Us Be Better to Our Partners
I thought about how that was really great of me to just jump in without scorn or blame or criticism. I just moved in to help. This is not how I grew up. Usually there was a lot of blame in my house. But I wanted to make the situation better. I knew just what to do, I just went to work. No problem. I think that’s being a good mate.
And I bet every one of you would just do the same. Sometimes all we have to do is the obvious, and on occasion, that’s all that’s needed.
Get Help with Working Out How to Be a Better Husband or Wife to the One You Love
Read a Book About Relationships
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn a bit about how to be a better husband or wife, by reading by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. You may come away with new tools for communication, forgiveness, and supportivenes that make help you and your loved one feel closer and more cherished than ever before. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.