A Quick Note About Free Relationship Talks with Linda
Linda here. I want to personally invite you to attend my next Free Relationship Talk on Monday, December 5th @ 6:30.
1232 E Wardlow Rd.
Long Beach, CA 90807
Hope to see you there!
And now, back to our regularly scheduled article.
We Experience Love Differently
We all feel love. Somewhere inside us we feel a tingle or a stab or a warm feeling or a thought. Every one of us feels love. But we don’t all feel it the same. Think of how you feel love. Maybe your ears take it in first when you hear your partner tell you, “I love you.”
Maybe it starts with the words and then some current travels inside your body and you feel something in your belly. How would you describe how and where you feel love? Think about it for you and discover how it is in your body. And I bet if you talk with your partner they might describe it differently than how you describe it, and feel it differently too.
So who is right? Aren’t we all entitled to feel what we feel even though we might feel it differently? I know that I am connected to my feelings way more intensely than my husband. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel, but he is a thinker first. I am a feeler first. I feel before I think. He thinks first and speaks his thoughts.
We Need Different Amounts and Types of Love to Feel Happy
And here’s another thing. Not everyone requires the same amount of affection. Do you love to be hugged and touched by your partner? Is your partner good with less? This is another area that sometimes divides us and makes us feel unloved.
Some people may wonder why their mate isn’t interested in touching them. Some people might think that no touch is perfectly fine. It depends on what you were taught as a youngster in the family you grew up with and how you are wired. We are all from different backgrounds and families and we are definitely wired differently than each other.
Communicate What You Want and Enjoy to Your Loved One
So how do we negotiate when we are different then our mate? Maybe talking about it is a place to start. Tell your partner what you enjoy and what you prefer. It’s better for them if they understand what will make you happy or just feel good. I know some of these topics are hard to talk about. Many of us just want someone to know us and know what we want.
But you know if you have ever felt unhappy in your relationship that your partner doesn’t always know what you like and what would make you happy. If you have been together for any length of time it’s likely that your partner has disappointed you and missed a big cue you might have been giving them. This stuff happens all the time in relationships.
Approach Requests for Change Gently
One way to ease everyone’s worry is to make it easy with your mate and talk about yourself, not in a critical way where you are mad at your partner, but in a kind informative way to help your mate get to understand you better. Some of the biggest problems I face as a couples’ counselor is the way some partners feel when their loved ones are unhappy.
The unhappy one doesn’t know what they need to feel better, they just know they are sad, disappointed, or angry. The other is mystified that they can’t figure out what to do to make the other feel better. This is very common with couples.
Talk with the person you love. Tell them what is right for you, even if it’s hard. You will be doing a great service to yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
Want to Connect Better with Your Loved One?
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn about how you and your loved one experience things differently, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It can help you communicate more clearly and kindly, and might just make you feel more connected than ever. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.