Am I Enough? Feeling Inadequate in Relationships & Life

Am I Enough? Feeling inadequate in Relationships (And Everywhere Else)

We Feel Inadequate For Many Reasons

We can feel inadequate for numerous reasons.

This is a funny question, but I think it’s a feeling that a lot of us can relate to. I know if I look deep down when I am worried or unsure of something, I can probably identify the root of this feeling and it has to do usually with me and that something is often, “I am not enough.”

I don’t say this out loud, but I feel it inside myself. I feel less than and that might explain why I worry sometimes. This is very common. A lot of us wonder if we are enough. And the “enoughs” can come in all kinds of variety, “Am I smart enough? Am I attractive enough? Am I successful enough?”

We all are trying to get somewhere so we can feel that we have arrived. This is common too. “If I get that raise then I will be set, if I have this relationship than I will be happy. If I finish this project then I won’t feel like a slacker.”

Everyone Feels Inadequate, Or Like They’re “Not Enough” Sometimes

The idea that we aren’t complete until we do something or feel something outside ourselves is also very familiar. I deal with these thoughts in my personal life, with my friends, and professionally with clients. And it is so common; it is what some theorists refer to as “the wound of the West.” That means if you think like this and have some of these thoughts, you have an awful lot of company.

So what do we do about it? Well there are lots of tools out there. Here’s one. When we replace a negative thought with something more positive, we usually feel better. Some people go on a journey of trying to love themselves more. This can be helpful whether it works or not. All of us can use a dose of being a friend to ourselves instead of a harsh critic.

Take a Moment to Regroup and Assess Ways in Which You’re Not Falling Short

Thinking about all of the good things you bring to the table can help you feel less inadequate.

Many of us find ourselves whipping ourselves if we don’t measure up. We scold ourselves without mercy and just accept the treatment, as if we deserve to be verbally abused. But some of us have started to notice that it doesn’t feel good inside to say mean, harsh things to ourselves. It just doesn’t feel good. And in reality, aren’t we really doing a pretty good job of things? And I will answer that for you with a big, resounding “YES!”

So here’s another thought. Remember how I was talking about replacing the “I am not enough “with something else? How about trying this one on. Now just let yourself go with this for a moment.

Self-Acceptance Can Help You Feel More Adequate and Complete

I was sitting quietly recently and this idea came to me. I had this idea of myself being a full human. Not a half-human, or almost a complete human, but a full-to-the-brim human.

Then I actually had a picture of what this would look like. I thought of myself kind of like those big balloons in a parade, and I felt my entire body feel full, as if the air was pushing all the way to the edges of my skin. I just sat in the experience of feeling this sensation, and I felt full. I felt as if I was full to my brim and therefore a complete human. And when I thought this you know what happened? I didn’t feel less than, or not enough, or incomplete. I felt like, well, you know: I felt like I was enough.

Can you imagine your own balloon, just for you? Be complete, be full, live large.

Stop Feeling Inadequate and Start Feeling Cherished in Your Relationship

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how you and your partner can communicate better and express more appreciatio nfor one another by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help you understand the ways you fulfill one another and how happy you both are that you’re there for each other. Give it a read.

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Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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