When We Wait for Something Better

Waiting for better can leave us in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction in our relationship, like the woman pictured feeling trapped and pensive.

Many of us in our lives end up in situations that we hadn’t expected. We find ourselves just planted in a life and we might even wonder, “How did I get here?”

This is not uncommon, especially in relationships. We enter the relationship with the highest of expectations. And it might sound like, “I love this person. They love me. We are so happy. I have never felt like this before.”

The Honeymoon Can’t Last Forever

The honeymoon of relationships eventually ends, leaving us wondering whether we missed something or made a mistake, like the disappointed woman pictured.

This is a wonderful feeling. The problem comes when it changes and then we wonder what we were thinking. “Was it really so great I didn’t notice things about my mate that I should have seen? Did I miss some of these important cues?”

We might ask ourselves these questions, especially when that wonderful feeling leaves us. We might even ask ourselves, “Am I still in love with my mate?”

I work with couples, and I have experience in my own life, of loving someone intensely and then having that feeling change somewhat and having thoughts like, “Wow, this is not what I thought it was.”

This is a letdown. And it happens to many, many couples. Our mating rituals are designed to find our partner. And we do, but after that we go through some changes that we hadn’t anticipated.

Waiting for a Future That May Never Come Leads to Disappointment

Finding ourselves perpetually looking outside of our present relationship can leave us sad or detached from the present, like the pensive man pictured looking outside.

So, what do we do then? If we imagine that in the future, we will have a better life, then we are striving for something that doesn’t exist. We are pushing the boulder up the hill to get to the other side where we might believe that our happiness lies.

But how do we know what that future will really bring us? We may be able to see it in our mind but to actually experience it in our bodies and feelings is an entirely different occurrence.

If we aren’t content with our present situation then we will forever be in a state of longing for something better. We will be constantly wishing that things in our lives were different and regretting how we are living.

Maybe you can see that living for the future or regretting the present are two ways of feeling trapped. We are not happy if we are waiting or if we are disappointed.

Want to Thrive? Live in the Present, Remember You’re Loved, and Work on Acceptance

Focusing on how you're loved and accepted, even when times aren't at their best, can help you come back to feeling happy and connected, like this affectionate couple.

What many of us do is try and live in the “right now” with our mates. What is happening right now? We might have to grow some new muscles that remember that they love us and want to be with us. We may not always feel loved in our bones, but from experience I can tell you that my more-often-than-not silent husband loves me with all his being.

Sometimes I can’t see it or feel it. But that’s where the muscle comes in and I tell myself what I know. He loves me. I accept what sometimes I can’t feel. I honor that this is his way. He can’t become someone other than who he is, no matter how hard I try and get him to be. Accept your loved one. I promise you, it works.

Need Some Focusing on Love?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to improve communication in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. You both just might feel more connected, aligned, and loved. Give it a read.

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