Accepting Flaws in a Relationship Is Important: Here’s Why

Accepting Flaws in a Relationship Is Important: Here's Why

Accepting flaws in a relationship can be tough and take some getting used to.

All of us dream of having the perfect relationship with the person we love. In fact, when we meet our perfect person we imagine that everything will always be wonderful and that we will have a great life with them.

But what happens when we are in the relationship for a while is that we might start to notice that not everything is perfect, and we actually are now in love with and committed to someone who we see has some, well, flaws.

Accepting Flaws in a Relationship is Necessary, Because “Perfection” Is Different Things to Different People

Accepting flaws in a relationship is important, otherwise you might be playing tug of war with one another's wants, needs, and personality.

We all know that no one is perfect. But our dreams and imaginations seem so real to us it is sometimes very hard to reconcile that they are not our reality. We want a perfect life with our person. But what we get is a realistic life where we are loving someone who is their own person. They don’t necessarily share our version of that fantasy, even as we try to just pull them into it.

This is a problem in some relationships. We want what we want. We can’t help that, it’s the way we as humans are wired. And I think we all know just how hard of a process it is to try changing another person to fit our ideal.

None of us want to be altered by our special person just to meet their needs. So how do we deal with our beloved’s flaws and still have a loving relationship?

How Can We Accept Flaws in a Relationship Instead of Trying to Change One Another?

Accepting flaws in a relationship, instead of trying to change your partner, sends a message of unconditional love and helps them feel accepted.

First, I want to invite you to take a moment and imagine that you are very important in this relationship. You have some wonderful ideas of how this relationship will thrive. You have great instincts on how things should be done. I get that and I applaud you.

Now add to this image another full, human being. That’s right. Bring your beloved into your mind as a full human being. Now think to yourself that he or she has his or her own ideas of a perfect relationship too. Your partner has his or her own comfort levels, needs, wants and desires, just like you, only different because they belong to them.

So if you are thinking about these things, then you might realize that there are two equal and wonderful people in your relationship. Both of you have this great human journey that you are on and deserve the respect and honoring from the person you signed up to be in relationship with.

Accepting Flaws in a Relationship Is How We Help Each Other Feel Loved

Both of you deserve to be treated as a whole person, not the one who has to change because they have flaws. When we treat our beloved as if they aren’t good enough we send them a message that we don’t love all their parts. This is conditional love. You love them when you feel good. You don’t love them as much and you might even get angry at them when you don’t feel good about what they have done.

We all want unconditional love. These concepts can go a long way to changing the dynamics of your relationship. Accepting flaws in a relationship is part of how you show unconditional love.

I want you and your beloved to succeed. Try and remember that you have great ideas, and I just bet your partner has some great ones too.

Need a Helping Hand with Accepting Flaws in Your Relationship?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

If you’d like to better understand each other and meet each other’s needs, try reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you communicate more effectively and more openly, helping you understand each others needs and motivations, ultimately helping you better accept one another. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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