Unstable Relationship Moments: How to Return to Stability


Unstable relationships are chaotic and scary. Here's a path back to normalcy.

Unstable relationship moments happen to so many of us. Something happens that makes us second guess ourselves or even the relationship. Learn what your options are when these events occur.

All of us in a relationship have felt unsure about how stable our relationship really is at one time or another. This is very common with people who join each other with love and sometimes feel that love change in some ways that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Many of us who make it through these unstable parts can look back and be glad we did. But for others who wonder if they will ever get past the uneven stages here is some advice.

Unstable Relationship Moments and How Reassurance Brings You Back

Reassurance can lead you out of unstable relationships, the way this man reassures his wife.

No one knows whether your relationship will last. But one thing that does help is if one of the partners says to the other when things get rough, “Don’t worry baby, we will work this out.”

This is reassurance for the partner who is wondering if the relationship will work. The person saying the reassurance might not believe it one hundred percent, but in the moment there could be just a glimmer of what he or she wants and they just throw down and say, “We will be fine.”

Bounce Back from Unstable Relationship Moments By Stepping in to Lead

Someone stepping in to lead like this woman is the key to navigating your way out of unstable relationship moments.

I remember taking a couples class a while ago and the teacher was saying that after a fight or misunderstanding, one of the partners has to get into the driver’s seat. Because if one of the partners gets into the driver’s seat and drives the relationship, you can bet that the other person will follow.

I know this to be the case in my relationship. You might think that because I am a couples counselor I am the one leading the way. Well, that is not the case. My husband who has not taken any psychology classes is the one who is the first to say, “I am sorry.” His sincere words always pull me back from whatever brink I am heading towards.

I am very grateful to have such a mate. I don’t know where he learned to get into the driver’s seat, and yet he does so many times. I can always follow, and that seems to work for us.

Everyone in a relationship comes with a history of how they have tried relationships before. Some might have gone well, but most maybe not. These experiences alter how each partner sees their current mate. You may not know how your mate has been hurt. But these experiences can be confusing to the new partner when reactions or hurt feelings appear out of nowhere.

The Key to Getting Through Instability is to Decide

The path out of an unstable relationship and into a period of stability can be as simple as a decision.

So, if one of the mates believes they have found someone special and they decide that after a mishap or disagreement they will remind their new mate that they too can get through this, the chance of this relationship surviving is very high.

Because when two people are stuck wondering if they have made the right or wrong choice, there is very little solid ground to stand on. And when the ground keeps shifting, some of us can’t even stay.

So figure out if you are able to get into the driver’s seat after a misunderstanding. If you can, then do it. Do it for yourself so you will feel better. Do it for your mate so he or she will feel better too. And pretty soon, you won’t wonder if the relationship will survive. You will have already built something really solid.


Learn How to Bounce Back from Relationship Instability

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to ease the pain in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help your previously painful relationship grow into your healthiest, most satisfying one yet. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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