How to Handle Conflict for a Happy, Healthy Marriage

Learning how to handle conflict in a relationship is tough, because it forces us to challenge our instincts.

When people get their feelings hurt, most of us don’t want to go near the person who hurt them. This holds true in families, with co-workers and in relationships. It’s just easier to back away when something painful happens. It’s just the way many humans are wired.

As a couples specialist I know that even with the person we love, for some of us it’s instinctive to pull away when things get messy. I work with people who love each other who just want to know what to do when they fight. They usually wonder if they could do the fighting part better so they don’t have to stay wounded and apart for so long.

It happens to all of us. We hold on to our thoughts and don’t say them because we are afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings. We stuff them down inside and just stay silent. We may grouse about them later with someone else, but most of the time a lot of us don’t speak up.

If this sounds like you, you are not alone. This is one of the most common themes I come across while helping people in counseling. Most people are aware they do this, and they are not sure how to change it because it’s something they have always done…put their feelings aside and take care of the other person first.

Many people struggle with taking responsibility in a relationship. They feel victimized, they blame, and they feel miserable. It doesn’t have to be this way.

One of the hardest things I see couples struggle with is the idea that each person in the relationship is responsible for his or her own part of the problems that surround them. It’s not uncommon for people to want to blame the other person for how they feel as if the partner did something to cause the upset. Something bad happens and people start pointing fingers at the other person.

By the time we are grown up almost all of us have figured out how to get what we want in life and how to get things that we don’t like to stop. We usually learn these skills when we are very young, starting with our first empowering word: “NO.”

As an adult we find out partner and then we use these same skills to continue the process of getting what we want and stopping what we don’t want.

But for many couples the habits and skills we bring into a relationship often create difficulty with our beloved…

Wondering how to stop arguing with your spouse? You’re not alone.

Couples often tell me they are so tired of having continuous arguments about the same thing with the person they love. They say those arguments always end up the same way, both people exhausted and nothing gets resolved. They want to fix the problem but they just don’t know how.

This is a very common problem for people in relationships and marriages. So why does this pattern occur? Let me explain.

Getting our partners to make changes is probably one of the hardest parts of being in a relationship. It certainly is the number one issue people talk about when they come to see me for counseling. So why is it so hard to get what we want from the people who are supposed to love us?

First off, no one plans to have a disagreement with the person they love. We love who we love and we want to be in harmony with them. So why is it so hard for many of us to stop fighting in a relationship? Why is it that the fights pretty much determine whether a relationship will last or not?

People come to me saying, “My husband blames me for everything,” or “My wife blames me for everything.” Here’s a look at why people look to blame another when they feel hurt.

Many of us automatically look for someone to blame when we get mad. This is very common; humans often look for someone to take responsibility when something bad happens. So what’s wrong with blaming another person when we get upset? If a lot of people do this why even talk about it?

Well, people get defensive, they get mad, and they fight. They don’t have to. Learn how to break the pattern.

There is pain in our world. There is pain among couples who carry hurt feelings and just can’t heal them. I see this often in my work as a relationship counselor. Another thing I see is a statement from some people that goes like this, “I don’t like to apologize.”

Some are even more emphatic with, “I don’t ever say I’m sorry.” This is not uncommon for some people to think this way. Many people believe that if you apologize, you are showing a sign of weakness. Weakness is something many people believe they have to avoid at all cost.

My Partner Criticizes Me — Video Help for Relationship Problems

Being criticized feels really, really awful. Anyone who’s been picked apart can tell you that.

Let’s talk about why people criticize—the feelings underlying it, what they hope to achieve, and how to keep things civil and constructive.

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Tag Archives: resentment

How to Handle Conflict for a Happy, Healthy Marriage

Open Communication for Getting Your Needs Met

How Taking Responsibility in a Relationship Brings Peace

Gentle Requests – On Communication in Relationships

How to Stop Arguing with Your Spouse or Partner

Why It’s So Hard to Change Your Spouse’s Behavior

How to Stop Fighting In a Relationship, and Simply Love

My Husband / Wife Blames Me for Everything! What Do I Do?

For Those Who Can’t Say I’m Sorry

My Partner Criticizes Me — Video Help for Relationship Problems