I was listening to a friend of mine talk about her family situation the other day. She was saying that when her grandson’s mother got sick, she and the mother’s best friend took care of the boy. Now that the mother is well the boy is going back to live with her. But the mother’s recovery was slow and the people parenting the child grew attached. So when the convalescence was over, and the child was about to rejoin his mother the other two temporary care-givers struggled with their own sense of loss.
My friend kept saying that everything is working out really well because all the adults involved kept asking the same question, “What is the best for the boy?” She said every time she asked herself the question she knew exactly what to do.
How Compromise Benefits Us
I was thinking about how smoothly this difficult family issue resolved itself because the people involved paid attention to a very important task: raising the child. They could have stayed in their own feelings of not getting enough or feeling someone got too much, but they didn’t. And who benefited? Everyone.
The more I thought about this story, the more I realized that all of us in a relationship could co the same thing. Why not remember to go to the good, the health of the relationship instead of looking for ways to get what we need when we get our feelings hurt or get in a fight?
How Putting Your Relationship First Maximizes Happiness
Here’s how I imagine this concept working. Often when there is a misunderstanding or disagreement between partners, most people who get their feelings hurt try to recover by telling their mate what happened, how they got hurt. Here’s my idea, how about if you also put into your thought process this question, “What would be in the best interest of preserving the relationship at this time?
The minute we can get our mind to think this question we have probably moved away from the pain of the discontent that just occurred. We are forcing ourselves to look at the big picture and to remember what is important; our beloved, our union with the one we love, our connection, our life with this person, our bond.
Keeping Perspective for a Happier Relationship
When you strip away all the hurt and the pain that’s what all of us in relationship are after, to be loved. Every fight is an attempt to get us back to a place where we feel warm and happy and safe. Help create a new way to get you and your mate there quicker, you know, back to the good stuff.
More Tools for Putting Your Relationship First
Read a Book About Making Your Relationship Great
Can’t make it on Monday? You can learn more about how to be strong in your relationship by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It can help you understand compromise and communication in relationships and just might help strengthen your relationship.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It’ll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.