Openness, Vulnerability, and Being Truly Known

Openness, vulnerability, and being truly known in a relationship.

No one knows everything about another person. No matter how close, there are always some things that one person keeps to him or herself. This is normal and extremely human.

But when we are in a relationship with our special person, well that is the time to reveal what is inside us. We do this because when we tell them something that we see about ourselves, we educate them on who we are and how we think.

Being Forthright and Vulnerable Can Be Challenging

Being open and vulnerable can be scary, as exemplified by this hesitant woman.

We also invite them inside of us where most of us live all the time. But let me start over again. I have already given you the reason we should invite them in, but I haven’t even acknowledged that most of us don’t actually do it.

We don’t tell our person what is happening to us on the inside, because most of us just don’t have any experience doing this. It is foreign to us because we don’t have any practice.

Where would we learn this skill? Maybe if we talk a lot and have a really good listener, like a therapist or a quiet friend, we might get some practice. But for the majority of people in relationships, there is no one but their mate to do the listening, and most people really just listen long enough to get their own point across.

What I am explaining is not a conversation. It is more like a monologue where the person talking discovers something about themselves and makes a decision to share it with their partner.

Opening Up to Our Partner Is Scary at First, but Rewarding Because It Helps Us Feel Known and Loved

Being open and vulnerable helps us be known, which means we feel truly loved, like this couple.

But this experience can be very scary and hard. When we drop into our vulnerability and say something that is personal to us about how we think or what we have learned about ourselves, we might actually be saying these things for the first time.

We all like to sound smart and accomplished, so when we are trying out something new, we often feel like a beginner. And that alone is something a lot of us are afraid of.

But here is the real gem of why I think it is a good idea. When we drop into that place that is personal we invite our partner to join us there and that is very special, and shall I say, sacred.

We all want to be known in our deepest places. Trust that your partner wants to know you there. If you want this, lead the way. Do it with all the grace you can muster. Because when you enter that sacred place, I guarantee you your beloved will be right there with you.

Learn How to Communicate and Feel Heard

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to communicate more effectively in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you find the words and approaches that help you and your partner feel more heard and loved. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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