My Partner Doesn’t Talk As Much As I Do. How Can I Help Them Open Up?

When Your Partner Doesn't Talk

A lot of us in relationships have a partner who speaks a lot less than we do. I know this describes mine. And I am a talker. I verbalize what I think and like; it’s how I converse with my beloved.

But I also know him very well. For him, his conversations and words are about one third of the conversations and words I speak. Sometimes I take a long time to describe something and he won’t have a response.

Why Does My Partner Talk Less Than Me?

My partner talks less than I do. Why don't they open up more?

I have gotten used to this. But sometimes, in some relationships, this can become very troubling. It may signal to the talker that their partner is not interested in what they are saying. Or it might indicate that their partner is just not carried away by life in the same way and is dull.

This is actually pretty normal. Look around at the couples you know. Is one a bigger talker than the other? That’s usually what I see. One of the partners is great at conversing and telling stories. The other is much quieter.

Is There Something Wrong with My Partner Being Quieter?

My partner talks less than I do. Is something wrong with them?

Is there something wrong with this? Well, it depends on your perspective. If you need someone to validate what you are saying with comments, and your partner isn’t the commenting type, then this could be difficult.

But if you love your partner and accept that there are things about them that are different, then this is not a problem. But in all cases we have to learn to get along with our person.

That is really what this is all about. I know in my relationship I sometimes would talk about something and say a lot of sentences and words, and there would be no response after I finished talking. I sometimes will ask my husband, “Do you have any thoughts about that?” Sometimes he does, and sometimes he says “no.”

I have also learned that it is just not his style to comment on things unless he is moved to do so. This was tough in the beginning, but I have grown to understand that this is the way he is wired, and since I love him that has to be OK with me.

Understand Your Partner’s Needs and What They Respond to and They’ll Open Up More

My partner doesn't talk as much as I do. How can I get them to open up more?

So if you are waiting for your beloved to speak more, find a way to understand how they are wired. If you want something more, ask a question that promotes an answer. I like to go to questions like what they were thinking about when you were talking. Or I might ask a pointed question like, “Have you thought something similar in your life experience?” I have had to become creative to ask a question that gets a response. You see, I don’t have a difficulty talking about things. But that is not the way my guy is. And I love him. And I bet you love your person too.

The more you understand your partner instead of wondering if there is something wrong with them because they don’t speak as much as you, the less you will feel disconnected from them and the more together you will feel.

Love your mate for who they are. Love yourself for who you are. Don’t worry if you talk a lot. I bet your partner loves hearing you. Just try and keep your disappointment in check. I am sure they are not withholding their comments on purpose.

Bring Success and Happiness to Your Relationship!

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how you and your partner can improve your communication by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help both of you have an easier time opening up to each other, helping you feel closer, more connected, and happy. Give it a read.

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Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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