Misunderstandings in relationships are incredibly common. You both love each other and want the best for each other. Even still, you may sometimes bump into communication gaps, misjudge each other’s intent, or just accidentally stumble into a loved one’s trigger. This article explores why it happens and what to do about it.
A Case Study of Misunderstandings in Relationships
I know this couple who are good friends. They have been together a long time and are good together in a lot of ways. But the other day the wife was telling me about something that was bothering her about her man. She told me that when she just tries to help him, he becomes irritated and then gets upset with her.
This has been happening a lot lately, and she says and she feels bad about it. The situation makes her frustrated. And as I listened to her, I realized that these two are such beautiful people; they are just having an innocent misunderstanding. This is what my mind saw: he wants to be independent, and she wants to be helpful.
Misunderstandings in Relationships Come About with No Ill Will
I imagined them both as children and saw no harm. They are both trying to exert themselves the only way they know. But when it happens after you have been around the other person for years and years, it can feel as if you don’t even know your mate anymore.
No ill-will between the two. Just a misunderstanding. And I think this applies to most of us. We are all good eggs. We are kind and think well of others. We do not plan to make our partner upset. We are not made this way.
Misunderstandings Can Upset Us and Sometimes Drive Us Apart
And yet, our mates get very upset with us when they are misunderstood. They get their feelings hurt and then they disconnect from us. I really think we are all just little people running around in adult bodies. We get our feelings hurt, and it can usually be traced back to something very simple. For the man in the relationship it might be, “I just wanted to do things by myself.” For the woman perhaps it’s, “I just wanted to help you.”
Both sentiments so beautiful, so sweet. Nothing to harm the other. But when we carry around a lifetime of experiences with another we might pack on some old wounds and unfinished pain that gets triggered when we get our feelings hurt. I like to try and remember that we are all innocent inside. Every one of us.
Love Will Show You the Way: Remember Your Partner’s Intentions!
We don’t do something to hurt or annoy each other. Most of the time, it’s inadvertent that feelings get hurt. No one planned to hurt them. But during these moments it can sometimes feel that what was done was done on purpose.
When I think of my friends, the couple I know, I think of them as sweet souls. I want them to be happy, without stress. I see them this way. Why not try and see yourself and your mate this way too?
All of us long to be happy with the one we love. See your person holding that feeling as the truest desire a human can hold in a relationship. Try and not to get stuck in the misunderstandings when you see things differently than your mate. The misunderstandings and disagreements don’t last. The love that lives inside us for the other person does. It is always there to come back to. It is always available.
Get a Helping Hand with Misunderstanding in Your Relationship
Read a Book About Relationships
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn how to reduce misunderstanding in relationships by improving your communication skills, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. You just might fight less and understand each other better than ever. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.