How Looking at Others Hurts Our Relationship


How Looking at Others Hurts Our Relationship

When we fall in love with our person, we want to always feel that we are the most important and special being to them. I think this is the way most of us think about love.

We find our one true individual and then we want it perfect and wonderful all the time. Isn’t that what is supposed to happen? We see so many love stories and movies and ideas that many of us believe this is going to be how it will always be.

We fall in love and then love will take care of everything. But if you are reading this article, you probably have experienced something very different. Like wondering how your perfect partner really doesn’t know you as well as you thought they did.

Love Isn’t Always Smooth

Couple arguing over infidelity.

You see, love comes into play to attract people together. This is very important. When you are with your special person you just know it. But after this initial stage there are things that most of us learn, or try to or try and change.

Usually, it surrounds what they did or didn’t do, and how you are hurt, or they are hurt or something like that. We don’t plan on hurting our beloved, but it happens. And it happens because we are two very different people.

Even though it feels as if we are one person when we fall in love, the truth is that we are two distinct individuals with very different ways of looking at the world and how we act and perceive things as well.

Unfulfilled Needs Can Drive Breaches of Trust

Couple using phone to cheat on one another.

We did not grow up the same. There are always differences between the two. So sometimes when there are big gaps in how we feel disconnected, one might begin to think that this is not the right relationship. Maybe there is a thought that there might be someone more like me out there.

This happens, and sometimes our person will begin to notice others and possibly talk to them. And when this happens, well if the other partner finds out then everything crashes down.

Where is the honesty and faithfulness that is supposed to exist? If one person is talking to someone outside the relationship, they are trying to feel something they don’t feel within the relationship.

Counseling Can Help You Do What’s Right for You

Couples therapy for infidelity going well for a husband and wife.

But that doesn’t matter to the one who was left out. It hurts and there is so much that is wrong about the situation. Now what to do? Do you stay? Do you go? Do you come to counseling? I am visited by a lot of couples who fall into this scenario.

It takes a lot of energy on both people’s part to make amends and to repair what has been breached. So, if you are thinking about talking to an ex, or meeting someone new, please take a moment to consider that if you want to be with your current mate, DO NOT DO THIS. The work it takes to overcome such a situation is so much.

Talk to your mate and tell them that you feel unhappy. Come to counseling. Feel better. It can happen. I promise.


Ready to Return to a More Secure Love?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Communicate more clearly and feel closer to your partner, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you connect and feel loved, cherished, and fulfilled in your relationship. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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