Do You Keep Your Heart Open?


Do you keep your heart open? Or is it under lock and key?

One of the first lessons we learn as humans is about protecting our hearts. We probably learn this when we are very little people. Something hurt us and we close up and we can’t come out until the pain stops.

Everyone Closes Off to Protect Themselves

We learn to protect ourselves when life is difficult, like this woman adopting a defensive posture.

If this sounds like something you do as an adult, then you are doing what every human on the planet does. Everyone who gets hurt has some sort of mechanism to shield the vulnerable parts from more pain. This is just the way humans are designed.

And even though you learned this skill as a child you are probably still using the same techniques now as an adult. You may have some different words and you may even get mad at your mate when you get your feelings hurt, but all these behaviors do one thing. They close down your heart.

No one, except for holy people, travel the world all the time with an open heart. This could be disastrous for most of us if we live in society. We have to be aware of when things aren’t safe and when they are. If they are safe and we are comfortable, then we might be able to open ourselves up.

If we don’t feel safe or we feel threatened we have to close ourselves off so we don’t get even more pain or suffering. But when we are in a relationship there are some things that might help you grow the muscle to open yourself more.

Understanding Our Pain Helps Keep Us From Shutting Our Loved Ones Out

Learning about your pain is part of knowing when you don't need to defend yourself, and thus can help you stay open.

Getting our feelings hurt by the one we love is pretty common when we are in a relationship. Most of the time the one who is hurting the other has no idea they are causing their partner pain. What I mean is that almost every time my husband made me mad, he did not do whatever I perceived him doing on purpose.

I just had a habit of seeing everything that was done to me as wrong and I had to lash out. But the more I grew and figured things out, not just from my childhood perspective, the more I could see that he was a really good guy who loved me and didn’t want to see me in pain.

This is the first time I felt this kindness from someone. My family loved me dearly, but all of us yelled and sulked and pouted and well you get it. Our habits were pretty weak.

Reevaluating How You Look at Life and Partnership Helps You Be Open

Keeping an open heart is the key to being as happy with your loved one as this couple is.

So, when I got close to my husband-to-be, I learned there were other ways to do things. If I got my feelings hurt, I didn’t have to jump to the conclusion that he did this to me on purpose. I learned that my feelings mattered, but I didn’t have to have someone to blame.

That gave me a whole new way of looking at my life. It also allowed me to remember that the one I am in a relationship with loves me. That allowed me to stay open and loving to him, even when my feelings got hurt. I learned not to make him the bad guy.

Because when we make the other person wrong, we are separate from them. And what do we really want in a relationship? To be together, to create something great. This I learned too. Try and open your heart. That’s where the love lives. I promise.


Want to Learn How to Keep Your Hearts Open?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to have essential conversations lovingly and productively, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. Ready to build skills for a lifetime of love? Give it a read.

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