Jealousy in relationships can drive a wedge between us or serve as glue that shows how attached we are to our lovers. Learn what might be going on in the mind of the one you love when they express jealousy in your relationship.
Not Everyone Experiences Jealousy in Relationships
I was thinking about jealousy the other day and how it can be so difficult in relationships. What brought on this thought was me thinking about telling my husband that I was going to meet a male friend, a colleague, for coffee. I was thinking about how he doesn’t even blink when I tell him these things.
He knows about my friend and I guess he doesn’t feel threatened in any way. I don’t know this to be true but it is what I think he thinks. Maybe I will ask him. But on the same subject I do know he was telling me about a dinner he was going to with some of his male friends. I asked who was going and he read the list and I heard a woman’s name.
Jealousy in Relationships and Seeds of Doubt
And that was the one name I was curious about. Who is she? Why does she want to come to an all male dinner? She apparently works with the organizer and likes the material that will be presented and has come to this particular annual dinner before.
But that information doesn’t stop me from wondering and wandering in my thoughts. The next thing I want to know is what does she look like? What I really want to know but don’t say is, “Is she prettier than me? Do you like her? Do you want to be with her? Do I have to worry?”
Even if You Feel Insecure, You Probably Know Whether You Can Trust Your Partner
I know I don’t have to worry. But there’s a part of me, and it may be a very small part of me because I trust my partner, but it’s still there. When we were all young and learning about love; first crushes, heart breaks and jealously, we all felt these feelings very intensely.
Some of us in our adult life still feel them intensely. It’s wrong when someone you love likes another. It’s not right if you are left for someone else. It could be a glance, or a lingering look, it doesn’t matter. It all feels the same and the message is clear: my partner is turning away from ME!
Fear of Rejection Begets Jealousy in Relationships
This is what jealousy feels like. It’s the same as being rejected and we all know how that feels. And if any of us have felt the sting of betrayal or the stinging feelings of having someone else chosen over us, even if we felt this when we were teenagers, it still hurts us today.
It’s this hurt that causes some of us to wonder about every text or call our partner gets. This hurt turns some of us into gate-keepers of the incoming information, just to make sure we are not getting hurt.
What Do You Do About Jealousy In Relationships?
This is jealousy. No one wants to feel it. All of us do about someone or something.
So what do we do about it? We ask. I will ask my husband, even though I already know the answer. Do you want her instead of me? And when I think of him responding I know he will laugh. It would be a good chuckle because he has chosen to be with me.
Maybe I can just play it off by saying, “Oh, I was just checking.” But I know there’s still that little heartbroken girl wondering if I am loved. This pain may be decades old, and it still with me. And I know that’s part of being human too.
Coping Strategies for Jealousy in Relationships
Read a Book About Communication to Build Trust in Your Relationship
Can’t make it on Monday? Read all about how you can open communication channels, feel loved, and feel secure in your relationship in Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help you build trust with your partner and help them feel more free, trusted, and loved. Give it a read.
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