Insecurity in Relationships: When We Worry Our Partner Will Leave

Insecurity in relationships shows up when we worry about our place with our partner.

Insecurity in relationships is incredibly common. So many of us wonder whether we will always be with the one we love! If we love them then we want to feel secure with them. But sometimes if there is ambivalence that we notice with our mate, we might feel insecure about the relationship.

When It Feels Like Something is Missing, Insecurity Can Cause Issues

When something's missing in our relationship, we may find ourselves feeling insecure and worried like this woman.

This is common too. And if we feel unsure if the relationship will last, well we might resort to things that are full of anxiety, like asking if our partner loves us, or wondering when they will ask us to live with them, get engaged or even marry.

These are elements that make some of us feel secure in our relationship. If we have one of these elements, we might be able to lose our worry about when we will get it.

Then we can relax and enjoy being where we are. But not all couples make it to this point and that is what is worth talking about. I know in my own relationship we were already in our mid-forties when we met.

After about a year we decided to live together. But everything was not all harmonious. We were two grown up people with different ways of looking at things and sometimes we really clashed.

Couples Counseling Helps Us Navigate Issues Caused by Insecurity

Couples counseling can help you with insecurity in relationships, like it's helping the couple pictured.

We went to couples counseling (before I was a counselor) and learned more about ourselves and each other. I realized for the first time that there was more than just me in the relationship. It didn’t matter that I wanted the things I wanted, he had his own voice and this was something very important for me to understand.

If I wanted to be happy, well he wanted to be happy too. So, I had to grow to let him be him and he had to make room for me as well. We figured it out and just kept on living.

But somewhere in the mix I started feeling when are we going to get married? Does he even want to get married again? Will I ever get married to him?

Patience and Focusing on the Good Things Also Help

Patience, focusing on the positive, and good communication can help you feel secure together like this happy, older couple.

These questions kept swirling around my head. Over and over, I was wondering if I could be secure in the relationship. But one day I looked around and realized that I had a good life.

I was with the man I loved. I felt good about our home life. I realized this was enough. I just relaxed and felt at ease.

And then the next thing I knew he asked me to marry him. I think he must have felt my anxiety and my wondering about when this might happen. But when I let that go because my life was good, he didn’t feel my stress anymore, and maybe, just maybe he felt his own connection to me and wanted to make it greater.

I don’t live in his body so I really don’t know, but I do know that when I relaxed and decided I had a good life, life got even better. Find what you love about your life. Live in it. It might do you and your partner wonders.

Are you ready to feel more secure in your relationship?

Learn how to dispel unrealistic expectations in relationships by reading 'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how you and your partner can communicate in ways that help you feel more secure in your relationship by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It’ll help you understand each other, which helps you feel safe and loved. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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