Do You Trust Your Partner?


Sometimes in a relationship we aren’t sure about our partner. Do they really love us? Are they going to stay? Do they really mean what they say?

What Do We Mean When We Talk About Trust?

Couples often ask themselves these questions. But where does trust come in? Maybe you say to yourself I will trust you, but you must trust me too.

This sounds equal. We are both in it and can say that if my partner trusts me then I can trust him. But that is really not what trust is about.

I am sure in our lifetimes we have trusted some people and regretted it. This happens to all of us. But in a relationship there is something different happening.

Trust Isn’t Transactional

Do you make trusting your partner contingent on them meeting your expectations? This is often what people think of when we talk about trust. “I can’t trust my partner because they disappoint me.”

Is that really trust? Not in the sense that I am talking about. Do you really want to make trust a bargain or exchange like two parties entering into a contract? It might sound like, “As long as you behave the way I need you too I can trust you.”

What about thinking of your trust as something that is a gift that you want to offer to your mate freely. What if you were to base your trust in your partner on your feelings of affection for them, not their behavior. How do you think that would feel?

You love your partner. Do you trust that they love you? I bet you do. Can you trust that they love you and want to protect and be with you? These are the qualities of a relationship that many of us look for.

Arguments Over Who Remembers Right Don’t Help

If you believe that your partner loves you and will be there for you, why can’t you trust that? I trust my mate. He is kind and good and I trust that he is true to me. I trust him, I trust us, I trust our relationship.

This may be a different way to look at trust. I often hear people in my counseling office talk to me about remembering some history. And almost always they argue over who is right with their memory.

Those arguments are so common. The reason we remember things differently is because we are wired differently. I am a feeling person. My husband is a head person. His frame of reference is nothing like mine. I remember how I felt when something was said. He remembers the day and time and place. These are two very different ways of organizing information. Yet some of the couples I have worked with take this very personally and say, “I can’t trust them.”

Even When Remembering Different Details, Choose to Remember Love

It would be great if one person was always right, but the truth is that both are right for their own being. It is so wrong to make someone out to be a liar or someone who doesn’t remember if you don’t recall the same facts.

I believe this goes a long way towards trust. Trust yourself. Are you a good person? Do you love your mate? Then trust your beloved. It will improve so much.


Encourage Trust by Communicating More Effectively!

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to improve communication in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help both of you feel closer, more understood, and more loved. Give it a read.

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