When Couples Don’t Understand Each Other


When Couples Don't Understand Each Other

It’s not uncommon for two people who fall in love to realize that they are not the same. Sometimes people even think that they have nothing in common because they are so different.

This is very common among couples. We fall in love with our mates and everything is glorious. But something happens after a year or two where we start to see that they don’t really get us like we thought they did.

Partners Experience the World Very Differently

We might even take it personally that our one and only is not all they are cracked up to be and we get our feelings hurt and more. This is common too. So why does this happen?

I have noticed that people come in two ways of being, either left brain dominant or right brain dominant. One thinks from the neck up and is usually in their head and ponders how to fix things and sees a big picture and relies on facts and figures to navigate life. Great. This is the way this person comes to earth.

The other partner is one who feels everything in the body. Life is connected to this person’s being. This partner sees things in themes or colors or emotions and among people. Very different from the one described earlier.

We Have Different Needs Too

Couples have different, sometimes competing needs.

The one who thinks with the head relies on what is known to them. The other is more organic and sometimes doesn’t remember the things that the other is so keen on.

I see this play out in my own relationship. I am always in the body. I feel everything and that is how I navigate life. My husband, who I dearly love, thinks from the neck up. He has a great amount of knowledge and is very smart.

Can you see that we are different? In the beginning this was so challenging to me. I wanted him to be like me and meet me at the depth of my soul. I wanted him to talk with me about his deep feelings and understand mine.

Despite Our Similarities, We Enjoy Some Different Things

After we went to our own couples counseling and I became a counselor I realized that we are very different. Not in our approach to life. We are very similar in how we view our life together and our future.

But our everyday existence is often different. I spend my days interacting with people in my counseling practice. I love this. I feel energized. This is how I get my nourishment. My husband is often content on his computer. He is in his mind thinking about things and I believe that they are very important to him.

But he doesn’t require the interactions that float my boat. He doesn’t even need them. His job requires him to interact with people, and he does and enjoys that aspect, but he doesn’t need it.

Our Differences Allow Us to Support One Another

Our differences allow us to support one another.

We are different. And that is actually a good thing. When I have a business difficulty, he always has the right answer for me. When there is an emotional problem, I always know what to do.

We are good together. You can be good together too. Accept your beloved. And hopefully they will accept you. Live your fullest life possible. It will enhance not only your space; it will invigorate your mate as well.


Get the Tools for Talking About Differences!

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to communicate more softly, empathetically, and effectively by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help both of you communicate more kindly and effectively about your differences and help you grow towards deeper love and acceptance. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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