Every human has patterns in their lives that they use over and over again. Some of these are necessary, but others might get in the way of a good relationship. So, how do we change those difficult patterns? By using our natural and always present awareness.
So, what is awareness? This is the part of all humans that can look at our own behavior and say something like, “Wow, I shouldn’t have yelled at my partner,” or “Why didn’t I say something when my mate hurt my feelings?”
Reflection Brings Awareness of Your Habits
When we are able to reflect on our patterns or habits that get in the way of being connected with the one we love, then we are using a necessary tool to change what we don’t like.
Some of us are able to understand ourselves after the fact. And if we can do this part, it’s likely we can continue when we start to get hooked into our old habits. If we can see our habit happening, and we are able to become aware of what is occurring even if we get stuck, this is the beginning of freedom.
We can see that our attachment to our old habit is occurring. That is the beginning of change. Seeing ourselves in the middle of it because if we can do that then we are producing a great amount of courage.
Awareness Brings Strength and Change
That’s right, it takes courage to see ourselves, especially when we get stuck inside an old pattern. I know when I started seeing myself in my old patterns, I felt bad that I had these habits. But I have learned that having a habit is not a burden, it is a teacher. We can learn from our life instead of seeing ourselves as damaged.
When we see ourselves, we are uncovering our natural wisdom, strength and confidence. These qualities are always with us, all we are doing is seeing them. No one can give them to you. Teachers and supporters can help guide you to them, but you, yourself experience your own unlimited potential.
We can contact our inner strength, our natural openness for short periods before getting swept away with our habits. And this is excellent, and heroic, and a huge step in interrupting and weakening our old patterns.
Changing Those Habits Might Improve Even More than Your Relationship
If we keep our sense of humor and stay with it for the long haul, the ability to be present naturally evolves. And then gradually we lose our propensity to bite the habit hook, and then we lose our appetite for aggression.
This is one way to unwind what has wound you up all your life. And it will benefit not just your relationship, but you as well. No longer will you have to clean up some mess, and you might even become present with who you are, full of an open heart, wisdom and compassion.
Connect with Your Partner
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to more effectively communicate with your partner, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help both of you feel happier, more loved, and even more connected. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.