When we are in a relationship, some of us often look at our partners and wonder how could they treat us they way they do. We might even try and get them to change their actions by complaining about what it is that makes us uncomfortable.
Many of us do this. I know I have done this in the past. But now I try and do something different. I wonder what it is inside myself that gets me so riled. I look inside myself for clues to help me understand me.
We Instinctively Broadcast Our Discomfort
It was my habit since being very little to tell the people on the outside what isn’t good for me on the inside. If I was uncomfortable, then I would talk about my discomfort. “It’s too hot,” “I am too cold,” “Don’t say that to me,” and more.
This is how I navigated my world. Maybe you navigate yours in a similar way. But if you do you might wonder what it feels like for your partner to always feel your discomfort. In fact, you might wonder if anyone really likes to feel your discomfort.
And that’s what we are really talking about. No one likes to hear discomfort. I know I don’t, and I know I gave a lot of it in my earlier years. But now I understand that no one does things designed to make me unhappy.
There isn’t some conspiracy that people decide that Linda cannot be happy. No, I am the one who is making myself unhappy. My discomfort doesn’t belong to anyone but me.
Own Your Discomfort and Work On Fixing It
This was a long time coming for my life. I hope to help you shorten the time you need to grasp this concept. When something hits you as uncomfortable, that is pretty human. We all have our likes and dislikes. But when we broadcast our dislikes for someone to do something about it, well that is probably a habit we have had for a long time.
When you take a moment to wonder why you have the need to have someone hear your distress you might realize that you are strong enough to fix things all by yourself. Yes, you can take care of yourself and figure out how to improve your discomfort.
Life Can Be More Peaceful When We’re Not Worrying Our Partner
I know you are a capable person. You know you are a capable person. But sometimes if you fall into a habit of wondering why the person you love treats you the way they do, maybe you can just take a moment to see that although your discomfort is real, you don’t have to announce it.
Because when I stopped saying everything that came into my mind about my discomfort, my life got a whole lot easier.
And isn’t that we are all after, an easier, more peaceful life with the person we love? And here’s another benefit, your partner won’t have to suffer knowing you are unhappy, because I can assure you your partner has.
Learn How to Improve Communication with Your Partner
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to improve the communication in your relationship, so that you can better understand each other, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you get one another, feel closer, and share even more love. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.