We all have habits in our life. You know, those are the things we do almost automatically. Like our routine when we get up in the morning, or when we sit down to enjoy a meal, or when we get ready for work. These are our habits, the way we do something. It’s the way we organize the daily activities of life.
We all pretty much know how to do them for ourselves. Yet even when we are in a relationship, we are still individuals as we continue to engage in our own routines and habits. But what if we were to do some things with the intention of doing them for the person we love.
Our Parents Instill Habits in Us
I thought about this concept today while outside walking my dog. A young girl was getting into the back seat of her car. I could see her father settling into the drivers’ side. As the girl was closing the door she called out, “Good bye Mom.” And from a distance I heard the mother’s reply, but by this time I had passed I couldn’t hear the mother’s words, only sounds, beautiful, loving sounds.
It felt like a habit between these two humans. A mother and a daughter making sure they stay in connection, sharing a moment of love, even when they are separating. It felt beautiful. That’s when I thought about people in relationships and wondered what beautiful habits we can create with the person we love.
We Can Deliberately Build Better Relationship Habits As Adults
Most of us learn how to treat people by the way we were raised, like in the household of the little girl. She is learning to value connections, even at her young age. But let’s say you didn’t grow up in a home like this little one. Let’s say that greetings and salutations aren’t a normal thing for you, yet you love someone and want to feel connected.
I believe it doesn’t matter what you learned in your families when you grew up. All of us as grown ups can decide what kind of relationship we want and how we would like to feel in it. And these skills can be attained at any time in our lives.
What Do Healthy Relationship Habits Look Like?
So what would good habits look like? I was thinking about my own habits in my relationship. I make coffee for my partner every morning. I drink tea, and I always brew him a pot of his beverage. I do this for him. This is one of my habits. I decided to ask him what his habits were where he thought of me.
He is the chef in our home, (I know I am lucky). He says he always thinks of me when he cooks. He has to. He loves almost all food and I am a picky eater. So he is really thinking about me every time he makes something. And as we were talking it felt like we were trying to make lists of our habits but then we realized that what we were really talking about was our consideration for the other.
Remember: Being Considerate is the Ultimate Healthy Relationship Habit
We are considerate of the person we live with. We do things deliberately to help their lives and make things easier. We are in support of their daily experience. And maybe that’s really all that is necessary. We think about our partner in addition to ourselves. Be with your mate, in your relationship, one good act at a time. You will feel loved, and so will they.
Learn More About Building Beautiful Relationship Habits
Attend a Talk About Relationships
On the 2nd and 3rd Monday each month, you can attend FREE relationship talks from marriage and family specialists. Come learn how to create a good relationship and understand problems that get in the way.
Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
- Mondays: 6:30–7:30pm
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Long Beach, CA 90807.
Can’t make it on Monday? Read all about how you can build healthy communication habits with your loved one, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help you develop habits that take your relationship to new heights. Give it a read.
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