Everyone, at some point in their lives, wonders “Will I ever find love?” It’s in every book, every show, every movie… so surely it’s part of the human condition. That must mean it’s out there, waiting for each of us.
Or so we’re told.
Seeing Love in the Wild
I was driving down the street today and as I looked to my left I saw the back of a young couple pushing a stroller in front of them. They held each other’s hands in what looked like a v, arms extended down and the hands locked together in a tight grip.
They looked purposeful. I felt happy for them. It looked like a true hand hold, like they are in this life together. They looked like love.
Longing and Looking for Love
As I write this I know that all of us hunger for this feeling. The couples I work with in counseling, the single people who I talk with, every one of us feels better when we know we are loved. Many of us long for it, sometimes all our lives.
So why is love so hard to feel? Why are so many people left wondering if they will ever find it or feel it? I think it’s because love is something that is inside our minds and our bodies. We have ideas about how we are supposed to feel. Maybe we have felt passion and are determined to feel that again.
The Struggle for “True” Love
If we are searching for love it’s likely we may wonder about it. We could be asking ourselves, will I feel love if I find the right person? Can I feel it again with the person I am already with in a relationship? Is it really possible to feel love, or should I just be happy without it?
We live in a world that prizes love above everything else. We have heard stories about true love since we were little people. We see it in movies and on television. We honor it yearly on Valentine’s Day and we celebrate it by getting married.
It’s what we all think we are supposed to get when we get older, and since we have been wired since birth to find it, no wonder everyone is always looking. Unfortunately when we find someone we think we are in love with we expect to feel this “love” feeling all the time. We expect to live in this coveted state, this love state that we have heard about all our lives.
Recapturing Love’s Spark
When we finally find it we want to live our whole lives in the bliss. Unfortunately there is no crazy, blissful state of love that I know of that lasts. Yes, there are moments of really great feelings, but that crazy connecting passion that ignites in the beginning is short lived.
People end up feeling let down or disappointed in their relationships because they want that passion to go on and on and on. When it fades they might start thinking there is something wrong with their person, or that they need a different person. They might even start thinking there is something wrong with them.
These thoughts, by the way, are normal. Everyone does it. The couples who make it beyond the coupling stage though are able to figure out what to do to make a relationship work. The couples that break up can’t see a future with their person.
Cultivating a Long-Lasting, Stable Love for Your Relationship
Learning how to be in a relationship is different from wanting to be loved. We all want to feel loved; warm, safe, happy love, like the couple holding hands. Relationship skills are what you need to make your union work. Once you get good at these, you too could be holding hands with the one you love.
I explain how to do this in Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It can help you build a solid foundation for a warm, happy relationship that lasts.