I had been working with this couple for a while. The two people love each other, but when they get into a disagreement it is hard for them to connect back with each other after.
We Need to Self-Soothe and Focus on Understanding
Does this sound familiar? This is what happens with all couples. There is a misunderstanding or miscommunication and two people who love each other get their feelings hurt and then they don’t know how to make it better.
This is common among couples. So, learning what to do when you get your feelings hurt is paramount to solving this issue. Each person has to figure out what they do and how to calm themselves in order to talk with their partner and get them to understand what happened to them.
This is a beautiful system when it works. But most of us didn’t learn this in our original family, in fact we might have learned the opposite. Some families just yell when their feelings get hurt, (mine), and others don’t even know what they are feeling and don’t show emotions.
It’s Not Too Late to Learn How to Recover
It doesn’t matter how you grew up or what kind of training or modeling you received. If you don’t know how to come back after a fight then this is something to learn if you are in a relationship.
It may not seem necessary when you are beginning and in love and everything is just perfect, but the longer you stay together the more you realize that you are really two very different people who love each other but sometimes cross wires and this can be painful.
I don’t want you to stay in your pain. I want you to learn to communicate with the one you love and tell them what happened to you when they did what they did. And when you get really good at this, well then, all kinds of wonderful things can happen.
Sometimes Going in On Something Together Shows Commitment
Like buying a bed. This couple has had their difficulties, and they are making progress in loving each other more. They both realized that their bed needed improving and they decided together to buy a new one.
When they told me this my heart swelled. I knew that if they were buying a bed, they were investing in themselves as a couple. They were making a statement that both of them could feel, a new bed to be together in. A new bed to hold them together. A new bed to forge this new bond.
I loved it. I told them I would be writing about their new bed. And I am writing it so all of us can learn. Invest in your relationship. Do it with love and drive and goodness.
You never know what else can grow with this one purchase. I believe a whole fantastic life can be born.
Need a Hand with Communicating Kindly?
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to express your needs kindly and productively, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you both feel heard and able to work together even more effectively all throughout your relationship. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.