Try Starting Over

Make a new beginning for yourself like nature making a new beginning via this plant sprouting in a concrete crack.

All of us are good people. We all intend to do well with people we love. Sometimes we are not our best and that is when difficulty can arise.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

It's easy to get caught up fixated on failure, like this man holding his head.

Here is a way to remember your goodness and it is a practice that might work for you. Let’s say you got into an argument with your partner. You might start to tell yourself something about your behavior, or their behavior and stay angry for a time.

This is suffering. Yes, an argument did happen. That’s what occurred. But the difficulty is inside your mind where you might be rehashing what happened, why it happened, and how you could do better or how your partner could do better.

If you are stuck going over the situation for a while, you know that you are feeling a lot of turmoil inside of you. Here is a suggestion to alter what happens after something difficult.

Remember That You’re a Good Person, and Start Over

Pause and breathe like this woman, to reset and center yourself, and then focus on the idea that you're a good person.

Let’s say you had a fight. And you feel bad. These are true statements. You had a fight and you feel bad. Now I want you to do something other than think about what went wrong. I want you to think about who you are. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. Think this immediately. Say to yourself, I am a good person. Really absorb this. Believe it and live in it for a moment.

Then I want you to do something completely wonderful and that is START OVER. Remember you are a good person and you are committed to being good, so tell yourself “I can just start over!”

Refocusing and Reframing Can Help You Bounce Back

Reframing can put you and your partner back in a happier situation, like the couple pictured here.

When you say this to yourself, it is helpful to do something that you feel good about. Here is something I did when I felt bad about something. I wanted to be on a zoom call in the morning to listen to a teacher. I allowed myself to sleep in and I got up late. The zoom call was at its capacity and I couldn’t join.

I felt bad, but then I remembered to “start over” and I put myself in front of my computer to write this article. Now I feel like the good person I am. Not the lazy one who didn’t set her alarm.

Do you get that you need something that will help enhance your good qualities? You are very knowledgeable about what will work for you. You can do this.

Don’t Get Lost in Details; Focus on Helpful Things

Building a fresh start for yourself can help you and your partner be happy like the couple pictured.

I want to leave you with another story to help you see this point. Feeling bad about yourself is like being shot with an arrow. So here you are with an arrow in you and before you help yourself tend to your wound, you must know the name, family and village of the archer as well as what the arrow is made of and how effective it will be in dealing with the wound. Do you see how unnecessary to dwell on the facts of the situation might be? You are bypassing yourself. Yes, you were shot. Now tend to your feelings and tell yourself you are a good person and start over!

Find your strength to remember this after something happens. Get back to being what you want to show the world. You know, your own natural goodness.

Get a Fresh New Start on Communication in Your Relationship

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn how to keep perspective positive and productive while talking to your partner, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help both of you feel closer, happier, and more loved. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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