The perfect relationship is something many of us aspire to have.
All humans dream. All of us have ideas and desires and dreams about being happy in a a perfect relationship. We all long for everything to work out just right, so we can be happy. This longing is how most of us are wired, and it’s a hard road to be on.
How Our Concept of “The Perfect Relationship Develops”
But to back up a bit, we need our ideas of what it’s supposed to be like when we find our person. We have to have some idea in our head in order to look for what we think we need in our life. We start accumulating these ideas when we are young. We start adding to them little by little as we grow up.
We learn a lot from failed romances or crushes and relationships that aren’t right. These experiences are really the teachers to help us refine our “dream” so we can get it just right. And the more we work on our refinement, the more we stay fixed on what we believe will make us happy…and the more convinced we become that we know what the perfect relationship looks like.
“The Perfect Relationship” Evolves in Response to Past Partner Shortcomings
I must have, (fill in your blank), and then I will be happy. This could include the type of individual you are looking for, their profession, their looks, personality, whether they have had relationships, kids, money, stability etc. We get extremely good with our checklist in order to find the perfect one.
And then we find them. And they are perfect, until they aren’t. Did we fail ourselves by not picking the just right person to fill our dreams? That’s a question a lot of people ask themselves. “Did I just choose wrong?” If we are asking this question, we live in disappointment.
The Road to The Perfect Relationship Isn’t Ticking Boxes on a List
Sometimes we just don’t know everything. Like when we keep ourselves fixed on what our lives must look like. I know about keeping ourselves inside a box. I did this when I was looking for a mate. I had all the things I knew I wanted. And one of them was a man without children. I had some dream that I was going to have my own family.
The problem was I was at the end of my birthing years. My dream didn’t take this into account. My body though, had other plans. And the guy I fell for had two children already, a detail my friend who fixed us up failed to mention. When we arranged our first meeting I was that close to cancelling the date when I found out about his children. What a blessing that I felt so bad about disappointing my friend who put together the fix up, that I said yes. The single best decision I have made in this life.
Being Open and Accepting May Just Be the Path to The Perfect Relationship, Even if It Isn’t What You Expected
He is my life partner. His children are a blessing in my life. I didn’t have this picture in my dream. It was hard for a minute to readjust, but I did. I had to let go of having my own child. I learned to accept that dreams can change. I grew my own family, only different than my young girl picture.
I like my life. Is it what I dreamed about when I was a little girl? Does it matter? I like where I live. I like my life partner. We don’t live in a dream. We live day to day in our life together.
Learn to accept the love that you have in your life. It may be different from your childhood dream—even so, you may find yourself feeling terrific.
Value Each Other’s Experiences and Feel Happier
Read a Book with Tools for Building the Perfect Relationship
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn more about how to open up, communicate clearly, and really connect with one another, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you and your partner build a great, loving relationship together. Check it out.
Get Couples Counseling
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