When people get their feelings hurt, they usually want someone to make them feel better. This pattern of getting hurt and someone being there to sooth you can be traced back to when we were little children. We all fell down and someone, (hopefully) took care of us.

Sometimes I hear couples tell me they are good communicators. One or both will say they know how to tell their partner when they get upset. I ask them how they do this and they tell me they say, “You hurt my feelings.” I listen and nod my head and wonder if it works. Then I ask them, and they always say, “No.”

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