Nagging in relationships: it’s common and doesn’t make anyone happy. No one wants to be nagged, and no one wants to nag their partner. Why does it happen, and how can we move past it?
When we are in a relationship, we often rely on our partner to do things for us. This is only natural. They probably rely on us to do for them as well.
We Nag in Relationships, Because We Get Things Done Differently
But each of us has our own speed in doing things. I know that when something is on my plate, I attend to it immediately. I guess I learned this a long time ago because as soon as I get it done it is off my plate and I don’t have to worry about it.
This is how I do my business. But my partner is not wired like me. He sometimes has things on his plate and he often procrastinates before he will attend to his duties.
I used to get annoyed when he wouldn’t do something when I asked. But I have learned that to get mad because he won’t do what I want is a fool’s notion. He has his wiring and I have mine.
Gentle Reminders Work Better Than Nagging
When I discovered that instead of me getting disappointed because something I asked him to do isn’t done, I adjusted to him. I did this because if I were to get mad about whatever I asked him to do, he would get mad at me and then there would be a difficulty.
I don’t want to encourage a difficulty if I can help it, so I learned that if I just gently remind him about something that needs to get done, he is much more receptive. Sometimes I have to gently remind him several times, but he always complies and compliance is really what I am after.
It is no skin off my nose to ask a few times. Of course, I have had to adjust my time schedule and understand that he doesn’t need to get this done immediately. And when I adjusted, and not expected things to be on my time table, well we just handle our business and everything works.
I am no longer a nag, and he is gently reminded. No one wants to hear someone nag at them. Nagging sends a terrible message. It tells the person you are disappointed and irritated and you need something from them right now.
Learn Your Partner’s Needs and Adapt
This way of communicating can be an affront to many people. I learned this the hard way. I am trying to get you to understand that when we work with the wiring of who we are with, then we can get what we want done.
And isn’t that what we want anyway? To get our projects accomplished?
Learn your mate. Learn what you can do to be with them, not against them. This is a great practice for everything in your relationship. And really that’s all we really want anyway, to get along with our mate.
Nag Less and Connect More!
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn about how to communicate in an open, honest, and less blaming way, by Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you take responsibility, be more constructive, and prevent those around you from feeling as hurt. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.