Moving Past Hurt in a Relationship

More than anything, most couples are looking for a happy relationship. People want to feel good about their life and their mate. Some couples live in relationships where they can wish they could be happy.

Some of Us Feel Angry or Stuck in Our Relationships

We can feel stuck when we keep getting caught up on past pain.

Are you waiting for something to happen or wondering when you will feel happy again? Maybe it’s time to examine what you may be carrying that could be preventing it. Is it possible you may be carrying around some resentment toward your mate?

Do you feel angry when you talk to him or her? Do you prepare for an argument around the same issues? Do you long for that time in your relationship when it was better? Have you just resigned yourself to the situation you are in?

New Arguments Make Us Relive Old Pain

Unresolved past pain can resurface with every seemingly unrelated argument.

If you find yourself nodding your head to any of these questions, why not take a look at what’s going on inside you? It’s possible you may be carrying around some old wounds that have never healed. When we get our feelings hurt that hurt stays with us until it heals. If we don’t tell someone, “Hey, I got my feelings hurt when this happened,” we may still be carrying around unfinished business.

Old hurts don’t stay raw, they usually scab over and then we harden ourselves against any future pain. On top of that scab we might pile on anger at the person who hurt us. That anger might even come out every time we have a disagreement with them.

You are not playing out the original hurt, but because the original pain was never healed it feels the same every time there is conflict. So how do we get over old hurts?

How do We Move Past Old Hurt?

Listening to and supporting your partner can help them move past old hurt.

It takes exploration and an open mind. Sometimes we can accomplish this with our mate if they are patient and understanding. Sometimes we can work through our discomfort with a trusted friend. People often choose a counselor to listen and help them process their histories. Whatever feels right is the right thing for you. That’s how we start to heal.

The first step in a healing process is to shed light on the wound. Look at it from all angles. Talk about the stories that the event created and get everything out. After everything is said and done, there is nothing left to say about the incident and the pain. The next step could be to think about what might make you feel better. Maybe you need an acknowledgment that you have pain and it’s been a hard road for you. Maybe you need an apology from the one who hurt you. Or maybe you want them to do something for you.

We’re talking about a resolution to help you move through the difficulty. Sometimes we just need someone to notice we are suffering. And sometimes we need another to take some responsibility for it. If our partner cares to strengthen the relationship, chances are he or she will want you to feel better and not suffer. If this is true, they may be more than willing to acknowledge or apologize.

How Do We Heal and Solidify Our Relationship?

Couples counseling can help you move past resentment and old hurts and solidify your relationship.

You need to show your partner the pain, hopes, and desires that live inside of you. They also need to want what’s best for you and be willing to do their part to help you heal. Professional help can provide guidance and make all of this easier.

Getting over hurts is one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship. And I know you can do it.

Help Things Get Better with Effective Communication

Read a Book About Making Relationships Work

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

Learn more about how to communicate with your spouse by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It has conflict resolution strategies, tips for feeling heard, and suggestions on how to express your love and celebrate your relationship. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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