All of us have times in our lives when we don’t feel good about ourselves. Every human sometimes wonders if they are loved or “good enough.” This is pretty common for most of us. And when we hold these low ideas about ourselves most of us get a pretty terrible feeling inside us, and we might even think we are alone in the world. And that feels awful.
But what if you could think of your partner, your mate, the one you love as standing strong for you when you have these low feelings? What would it be like for you to actually go to them and say, “I could really use a hug from you right now?”
Connecting with Our Partner Helps You Feel Better, Faster
It’s just an idea, but you might be saying to yourself that’s the last thing you would think of doing when you don’t feel so great about yourself. Not too many of us want someone to come into our space to make it better. Most of us just want to curl up inside ourselves and wait it out. In other words, we just stay small and isolated until it passes. Maybe we eat something sweet or salty, or we take a drink or we do some other action that takes our mind off of feeling bad about ourselves.
When we are not feeling bad, all of us know how to get going in our lives and take on the day. It’s common for most of us to be able to talk ourselves into putting on our best face and taking care of business. We are all good at this when we need to be. But this way of charging through life can be stressful, and sometimes we just want to lay down our efforts and just be.
Your Partner Provides Healthy Perspective
And when we do relax our momentum, that’s often times when these low feelings begin. “What am I producing?” “I feel lazy.” “I am so unproductive.” And then the bad thoughts about us can occur. And often one bad thought leads to another and another and soon we are swimming in unpleasant feelings about ourselves.
So I was thinking that if you are in a relationship, why not think of your partner as the one to turn to when you get these feelings? You know deep inside you, they want what is good for you. If they could visit all the unpleasant self talk you are telling yourself they would argue you out of what you are saying because they don’t agree.
Remember: Your Partner Loves You
So, why not let them know you could use their support and it would mean a lot to you in this moment because sometimes as humans we doubt ourselves. Now this is not easy. It’s not natural for humans to let others see us when we are not in control and can show our best self. We do not run to our partner when we feel low inside. Most of us stay hidden.
And yet, they, the one we love is the best person to turn to. They love you. They see you different then you see yourself. They see your good and sometimes their eyes are exactly what we need. Try it. The next time you feel some self doubt creep in, turn to your person and say, “Can I lean on you for a few minutes until I feel better?” Showing up vulnerable allows your beloved to love you, all of you. And that’s the purest kind of love around.
Learn More About Feeling Supported In a Relationship
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn how to be supportive&em;and supported&em;in your relationship by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help you improve your communication and better meet each other’s needs. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.