Kindness in relationships sometimes goes unnoticed.
Most of us in a relationship often focus on what we are not getting. We might remember the early days with our partner when everything felt so perfect, but now things are not the same.
Losing Sight of Kindness in Relationships Can Leave Us Questioning
This is very common with couples. All of us stay intoxicated with our new mate in the beginning. And as time moves on we start to feel that all-over love feeling slipping away. Then we might even question if we are with the right person.
In my opinion, we always are. The next stage we might struggle with is being in a state of conflict. Yes, we might have some clashes with our person. This is the time where you and your partner get to really know each other. It is also the time to understand that there are two people in the relationship, not just you and what you think, or your partner and what they think.
Kindness in Relationships Begins with Shared Understanding
Both of you have to make room for the other. And if you can do this, then you move into the commitment stage—and that, my friend, can last a lifetime. So I am urging you to figure out the parts that need work. Once you and your partner are on the same page you will feel so much better.
I know that in my relationship (20 years together) I sometimes felt as if I am alone. My husband doesn’t talk as much as I do. I love to talk and communicate with people, including my partner, but he doesn’t crave this experience like I do. He sometimes doesn’t want to talk, and I have learned that is who he is.
It used to bother me and I used to really feel alone, but now I know that is just the way he is wired and I don’t think anything about it negatively anymore. But I sometimes miss things because, unlike me, he isn’t saying everything that comes into his head.
Subtle Acts of Kindness in Relationships Sometimes Get Overlooked
Take the other day as an example. I wanted him to attend a function with me and it’s something he will do for me, but isn’t something he’s really excited about. So, I asked him if he would go and he said, “I always go with you. I attend everything you ask.” Now this made me laugh inside and I said, “That’s not true.” And he said, “I always think of and do things for you.” And I said, “When?”
“Just this morning,” he replied. “When I got up I thought I have to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake you up.”
Noticing Acts of Kindness Will Help You Feel Closer
He said this like it was the truest thing in the world. And then I realized how much love is there in his thought. He gets up early for a flight and remembers that he can be quiet so I can sleep longer.
When I heard this my heart just softened and I felt how much he loves me. I don’t always have the outside proof, so I have to remember to look for what is on the inside. His thoughts are about me. He loves me. I have to remember that, so I don’t miss the gems when they appear, just out of the blue, like it did this morning.
Bring More Kindness into Your Relationship
Read a Book About Relationships
Get a little help with communicating and helping you and your partner notice what you do for each other, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you feel a new appreciation for one another, as you grow to understand and cultivate the kindness and thuoghtfulness that surround you. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.