It’s hard to know when our relationship is over. There is no red light telling us to stop, nor is there a green light telling us to go or continue. We are left to our own feelings inside ourselves to tell us what is right for us when we search for an answer.
Usually this search comes after a fight. Painful feelings occur, maybe they are accompanied with a difficult past that becomes highlighted and pretty soon we may become overwhelmed with what is happening to us. In this state we might be asking our self, what am I doing here. Why am suffering in this relationship like this?
When we get to the place of wondering why we are in the relationship, it’s likely we are thinking about leaving it. And when we feel the overwhelm of difficult and painful feelings it might just be easier to just say stop. Enough. No More.
And when we say these words we might feel some relief. It’s over. I am done. I don’t have to put up with their stuff anymore. It might feel like vindication. It might feel good.
Idealizing the Past & Imagining a Do-Over
Until we begin to calm ourselves down and start to miss our special person, the one we have shared our life with and the one who we are hoping to share the rest of our life with. The one who causes us the pain but in this calm moment we might even be missing them and wondering if leaving or ending the relationship is the right thing to do.
We long for the time when it felt just like true love. We wish hard and fight to go back to those moments before the wars when we felt really good with this person. And maybe for a moment we think the relationship is still worth fighting for. We think to our self that we can do it different this time. Maybe if we just pay a little more attention, or we just try and explain our self differently it will all work out, or at least work better.
Realizing What You Have & Finding the Resolve to Preserve It
We think hard about what we might lose if we break. The years together, maybe there are children, maybe there is a home we love. We think about starting over again and get sick of the thought. We don’t want to start over again. We want this to work. We just don’t know if it will.
The anger fades and we try again. It’s good again and there is love again. We feel strong, even if only for this moment. We want it to remain this way, always. We hold on to what we have. We try and make it work, again. And it does, for the moment.
Is It Really Over?
Read a Book About Relationships
Can’t make it on Monday? Get a better idea of where you stand in your relationship and whether the issues you’re facing can be overcome. Read Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might be able to help you clear some of the hurdles that have you considering moving on. Give it a read.