Many people find themselves feeling empty at some point or other, but could something in your relationship be the cause?
Some of us in relationships at times feel like we are missing something from our partner. We are waiting to feel more intensity from the person we love. I have personally felt this experience and I know the couples I counsel often talk about it.
This may sound strange, but I believe this occurs in most relationships, even the most loving of relationships and between people who say they have a great relationship.
How Being Different Sets the Stage for Feeling Empty
Many of us in relationships already know that our beloved is different than us. Sure, in the beginning we agree on a lot, but over time it becomes obvious that the two of you are not the same. If you were the same you might not think, “He wouldn’t do the things the way he does,” of “She wouldn’t say the things she says.” And I bet you can find dozens of examples of when the differences show up.
The differences extend into how we talk and how we listen and what kind of response we are waiting for. Most of us have heard about right and left brained people. Left brained folk are those people who are analytical, precise and logical just to name a few of their attributes. Right brained people are feeling folks. We feel everything in the body. When something happens we feel it, sometimes very deeply.
The left-brainers think about it and figure it out in their heads. We right-brainers are more expressive and sometime we can find ourselves in mushy messes.
How We Wind Up Feeling Empty in a Relationship
And I believe this is why at times some of us feel empty in our relationship. I was listening to a left brain friend describe a detailed experience recently, but while she was telling the story, her comments felt linear, as if they followed a straight line and never expanded with details. And then I thought that’s probably what happens when I don’t feel enough from my partner. I am waiting for those details.
I always talk about the nuances in a situation because they give it a greater context for understanding. I LOVE the little details that shade and caress a point. My beloved is straight to the point the fastest way possible. There is no meandering or wandering in and out of a concept or story, there are just the facts.
Emptiness and Longing for More
And it’s the “just the facts” people who leave the detail hungry folk waiting to feel more, something, anything. Precise language is good for the head, but it does nothing for the heart. Lyrical, thoughtful, colorful words hit the mark and yet many individuals who function primarily in their left brain don’t communicate that way.
That’s not to say that precise talkers don’t have great feelings. I know they do. I feel it every time I hurt my husband’s feelings and I sense his sadness. There is a world of feelings being felt, just not a lot of words to express them.
So what can we do? Love our partner for who they are, in all their logic, and stop waiting for them to become more like us. And know we are OK just the way we are too, wordy and all.
Want to Stop Feeling Empty in Your Relationship?
Read a Book About Feeling More Connected with Your Partner
Can’t make it on Monday? You can learn more about how to communicate effectively with your partner by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It can help you improve communication, which may in turn help you feel more connected to your partner and less empty. Give it a read.