Empathy in relationships is vital to understanding how our partner feels. When we know what they’re experiencing, we can be more conscientious and in some cases help them when they are hurt.
Our Initial Feelings of Love Can Hide Aspects of Our Partners From Us
When we are in a relationship, all of us have one thing in common: we want to be happy. That is why we enter into a relationship with our special person, and it is likely you felt something amazing when you first got involved.
Your feelings accompanying your love probably felt like nothing else you ever experienced, and you wanted them to last and last and last. Unfortunately, when we couple, all of us are in this kind of woozy state that tells us our person knows us and gets us and will always make us feel this way.
A Lack of Empathy in Relationships Can Open the Door to Misunderstanding
But after a while we all go through the part where we realize that they just didn’t know us as well as we thought and we certainly didn’t know certain things about them either. Then the misunderstandings begin and often we just push them aside and tell ourselves that it isn’t that bad. These little things don’t really matter.
Only they do after a while, and then all we see are those little things that have now become big things. We might even start to have some hard feelings towards the person who was once so special to us.
This is common too. I know that’s when me and my husband to be went into counseling and that was what helped us. We learned some important lessons that gave us the foundation we use today. So I am a big believer in counseling when things get tough.
But that’s not what this article is about.
Developing Empathy in Relationships Helps Us Understand and Solve Problems Between Us and Our Loved One
Here is what I know works. When you love a person you become vulnerable to hurts really easily. That’s because you are all open in the heart and you are open with your mate. So we get especially hurt by the one we love.
So that’s why when you are in a relationship you have to grow another muscle. This is the part where you learn to understand your mate. You act as an observer and feel it when they get hurt and help them so they feel better.
I know you already have this trait. But what happens when we get hurt is we stay in our own pain instead of thinking about our partner. So we have to develop two ways of being in the relationship. It’s as if we live on two different tracks. One is where we feel our own feelings. The other is where we understand our beloved’s.
Empathy in Relationships Means Finding Balance and Awareness of Your Partner
This is a mature way to relate to someone we love. I try as much as I can to not only feel my feelings, but start to understand what might have happened to my mate. And the more I practice, the easier this is to do. This is how we maintain balance and good will in a relationship.
Because one of the biggest lessons I learned in those counseling sessions with our couples counselor that I was not the only one in the relationship, my beloved was right there with me too.
Need Help with Empathy in Your Relationship
Read a Book About Relationships
If you’d like some help developing empathy and understanding your partner, try reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you two communicate more clearly, so that you’re on the same page and able to help each other with one another’s challenges. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.