Can Being a Better Husband or Wife Be Taught?

Being a Better Husband or Wife: Can We Learn How?

Being a better husband or wife is something we all aspire to do. When you love someone, it’s only natural to wish for them to be happy. Sometimes we wonder about what we can do to make our relationship better. This is a great beginning.

Few of Us Enter Adulthood with a Perfect Set of Relationship Skills, Ready to Go

Part of being a better husband or wife is taking the time to learn and explore what you could be doing better.

How do we learn to be in a relationship? This is a question people have been grappling with for centuries. Some people come to earth just knowing what is the right way to treat another human. Some of us are taught, and then there are others who just struggle.

I used to struggle in my relationship with my husband-to-be. In the early days (20 years ago, before I was a therapist) I was pretty unhappy. And he was unhappy too. We didn’t know what to do to get better, so we went to a counselor.

There we learned about ourselves and each other. I learned that there were two people in the relationship, not just me. He learned he had to use his voice more. I learned to be softer, he became more assertive.

Sometimes We Just Need a Helping Hand with Being a Better Husband or Wife

Being a better husband or wife often means going to couples therapy for a helping hand.

You see, we just needed a little help. I am so glad we got the help we needed, because I’m convinced that had we not gone to counseling, we would not have been able to build a successful relationship.

Maybe that is why I am so passionate about helping others love fully. I do know it is possible, even if you don’t know how to do it. We can learn, just like we learn everything else.

Being a better husband or wife starts with identifying difficulties in your relationship. Then begins the journey of developing tools for overcoming them, so you can both be happier together.

I ran across some quotes recently from a philosopher, Martin Buber. He was born in the 1800s but he really knew things about relationships. Here are a few of his pieces of wisdom:

  • “Before there can be a true relationship, there must be two separate beings who can relate.”
  • “Our relationship lives in a place that is sacred.”
  • “When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.”

Remember Your Love, Instead of Living in Momentary Pain


I didn’t read these sayings in my therapy training. I saw one of them in a book and it just hit me. Some people know how wonderful it can be to be with another and they practice that. Others, like me, have to learn. And here is the good news. Everyone can learn.

The trouble is that people forget that they love the person and usually live in what was done to them by their partner. This causes hardships between couples. Hardships turn to resentments and those are hard to break.

Try if you can to remember that the person you love wants what you want, a peaceful place where love can reside, something magical and sacred.

Ready to Start Being a Better Husband or Wife?

Read a Book About Relationships

'Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship.' A book by Linda Nusbaum.

If you’d like a helping hand with being a better husband or wife, try reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you improve your communication skills, fight less, and better meet each other’s needs. That way you can both feel happier with each other, with the relationship, and with your lives on the whole. Give it a read.

Get Couples Counseling

Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.

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