Some of us in life are leaders, and some of us are followers. There is nothing wrong with the way we are. We are mostly just being the way we are and the way we are wired.
But when we are in a relationship if one person wants to be the leader and can’t tolerate sharing that role with the other, then there might be problems.
We May Have to Act Less Authoritatively in Relationships Than Elsewhere in Life
I have been the authority in my life ever since I can remember, not wanting to listen to other people. And I even brought this pattern along with me when I met my husband to be. I had to have things my way. I guess that just made it more comfortable for me, but more to the point, I didn’t know another way.
Of course that system didn’t work and I had to learn to not always be in control. I had to learn how to work with my other and let him have his way and not dominate him.
So, this discussion is to just ask the question, are you the authority in your relationship? Do you censor your mate when you don’t like what they have said? Do you corral him or her when you feel they are out of line? These are behaviors meant to control another.
Might You Be Happier Letting Your Partner Share the Burden?
So, the next question that I want to ask you is are you comfortable being the judge? Maybe you have never asked yourself this, but it might be important. We all like things our own way. I know. But you want to partner with your beloved, not boss them.
The boss in us is alive and well if we are the leader type, but in a relationship both people want to feel as if they are in some way a leader. And because you did not couple with a carbon copy of yourself, your partner will likely lead differently than you.
But are you willing to give up your authority to allow him or her to have their way? If you are just now looking at this situation or have known about it for a while, chances are you are not happy being the total boss. I know when I was the boss, no one liked the way I bossed.
Being a Partner, Instead of a Boss, May Make for a Happier Relationship
Now that I am a partner, both of us get to have our say. That doesn’t mean I do what he wants all the time. And it doesn’t mean he does what I want all the time. But there is a shared arena where no one gets ahead of the other and tells the other what to do, or at least not too often.
A shared arena is what you want. Figure out what you can do to give up some of your control. Talk with your mate about how they might want to lead and what would be good for them.
This is meant to help you and your beloved grow into something that will last. It is also meant to allow both of you to live fully, without being told how.
Work On Sharing the Load in Your Relationship
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to communicate more effectively in your relationship, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you both feel more cooperative and supported in your relationship. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.