Can you notice how when you are in a bad mood your relationship suffers? This pretty much happens to all of us. I know it happens to me, plenty. I will feel depressed, or anxious or worried about something and then I am in some kind of mood and then no one feels good around me.
I also know that if I am in such a mood, I am usually unaware that I am in a mood in that moment. After the mood passes I can look back and see how my upset feelings really impacted the way I acted. This is good to do, notice yourself after you have had an upset.
When We Feel Good, Our Relationship Feels Good Too
I work on this and I urge you to do the same. Because here is what I know: When I am happy, my relationship is good. When I am not happy, my relationship suffers. This is so simple. It would be great if I could just learn this one time and then know it always. But of course we are human and our habits are not just created because we realize something.
It takes working on us in order to create better moods. Some of us expect our mate to make us feel better and if they are not able to do what we need, or they do something we don’t want, well we just feel bad. This is common too. And it’s good to notice if you fall in this category.
When Our Partners Go Down, They Take Us with Them
I know I am impacted by my mate, especially if he is in a bad mood. I can feel it. Maybe you can feel your partner’s too. If you can that just means you are connected and you become impacted by their energy.
The connected part is important. Noticing when they don’t feel well is also important. Learning how to help them improve their mood is what you might be working on. I know it has taken me some trial and error to gently prod my mate to find out what is going on with him when I feel his unhappiness.
Be Gentle When Trying to Help Bring Your Partner Out of a Bad Mood
He does not do well with, “What’s the matter with you?” No direct questions for him, soft ones like, “Are you OK?” are better. He usually stays quiet for a few seconds and then he says, “No.” That acknowledgment gives me the signal to gently inquire.
I have had to learn that. And that’s how we handle it. On the other hand when I am distressed he usually just says, “You are distressed,” or something like that. I usually bristle when he says that but then in the next thought I think about what is going on with me. I know that my feelings belong to me. I have to figure them out.
Be Kind to Yourself to Help Your Bad Mood & Negative Feelings Pass
If I am stressed or bothered about work or something else, that stress and bother is about me and my thoughts about the situation I am thinking about. When I realize this I try and be gentle with myself and I also try and remember that I am a good person and it is OK to have thoughts and feelings but nothing I am thinking or feeling is permanent and will eventually pass.
This eases me a bit. Then I can return quicker to feeling better. And there it is again, when I feel better, so goes the relationship.
Get Help Freeing Your Relationship From Moodiness
Read a Book About Relationships
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn how to express yourself and work your way through bad moods without affecting your spouse, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. You just might find yourself feeling down less often, helping both you and your partner feel better. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.