I’m often asked things like, “Help! My husband stops talking to me when we fight. What do I do?” or “My wife stops talking to me when I’ve done something wrong. How can I get her to open back up?”
When couples fight or argue or have a disagreement it’s not uncommon for one person in the relationship to stop talking. This happens among many couples so if you are experiencing this in your relationship know that you are not alone.
I am in the business of helping people understand each other. As a couples counselor I listen to people tell me about their struggles with their partners, the person they love.
I know that every time I hear a story I know that person is telling me his or her truth. We as humans feel very strongly about what we think and believe. These thoughts and feelings are what make us who we are, and feeling like we matter depends on letting others know what we are about.
And I know that people just want to let their partners know what they think and feel. Most people in relationships feel they must get the other person to understand them or they will feel invisible and undervalued. It is very important for people in relationships to get their partners to understand what matters to them.
So, what do we do?
Almost everyone asks, “Do I matter?”
It’s a universal need for all of us to matter. We have a deep longing to know that we are important. This craving beats the loudest in our relationships with other people.