Do all couples fight? Is it just us? Is it just me? Don’t worry. You’re not alone.
All couples have disagreements. This I know to be true. Some couples argue about their disagreements. Here is a recent story about me and my partner.
Do All Couples Fight? Well, Things Can Get Tense When We Feel Judged…
He was driving with me in my car. I usually drive with him in his. He likes to drive, and is more aggressive than me. When he is a passenger in my car, I can feel his tension. He is probably mentally driving while I am behind the wheel and wishing that I could go faster or something.
I always feel awkward. Well, recently, we were in this position. The more we drove, the more uncomfortable I became. Now, he didn’t say anything, but I could feel the tension. Maybe this was in my head, but I definitely felt like an inadequate driver and I also thought he was judging me.
When We’re High Strung, Frustration Can Boil Over Into Conflict
We were about to park at a restaurant to have dinner and he sees a spot to his right. It’s night time and I can’t really see it. I estimate this will be a tough job to get the car into the spot and while I am figuring this out he says in a frantic voice, “It’s right there!”
I then lose my cool and say “I know it is right there. I am trying to park. Please stop judging me.” And he says, “I am not judging you.” And then I am just unloading. “I hate driving with you. I always feel judged.”
We get out of the car and he is moving slowly. I am walking way in front and I said, “I am not even hungry.” And then he says, “I am not hungry either.”
This kind of shocks me because he usually doesn’t react. But with his pronouncement I just say, “Well let’s just go home then.” He says “Fine.” We both head to the car and I say, “I don’t want to drive with you.”
But A Little Time Can Bring Us Back Together
Then I just start heading toward the restaurant. He follows. We enter, get seated and sit in silence for a few minutes. Our menus are in front of us and there is still more silence. Finally, I think I say, “What looks good?”
The ice between us breaks a little and we gingerly start to talk about the food. We order some appetizers and some wine and we are beginning our meal when I raise my glass and say, “I am sorry that my anger keeps me from remembering that I love you.”
And he immediately follows with, “Me too.”
Do All Couples Fight? Sure. But Your Fights Don’t Have to Be Big, and Your Love Can Bring You Back Together
We are back good. We enjoy the rest of the meal, knowing that whatever comes between us we can overcome. This makes a relationship. Not the argument, but the repair. I don’t care how you get to coming back, just come back. Just let your partner know you love them, even when feelings get hurt.
Oh, I asked my husband to drive home too and then I felt free of everything. And the next day in the morning as we were drinking our coffee I said, “Sorry about last night.” And just as soon as those words left my mouth he followed with, “Me too.”
After Wondering, “Do All Couples Fight,” Are You Curious About What You Can Do About It?
Attend a Talk About Relationships
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Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
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Read a Book About Relationships
If you’d like to fight less often and less severely, try reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you communicate more peacefully to help you fight less often, and give you an idea about how to fight fair and prevent things from escalating. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.